...be compelled to buy stain remover or dishwashing liquid or a new car or a television so i can watch tbs' new lineup or a coca cola or 8 coca colas or a movie theater for a night so i can host a corporate meeting there or tickets to the olympics or more popcorn than i already bought because you advertise these things before the movie that i already payed $19.50 to watch.
(Breath)
1/ Let me start over. I don't watch very many movies in theaters. I prefer to rent movies that came out 5 years ago and have been thoroughly recommended to me and cost a dollar because a) they cost a dollar and b) i can pick which previews to watch and if i don't like them my remote control gives me the real ultimate power to skip through all the bull. If i'm ever at the movies it's because Emily likes them and so i go because i like her.
2/ I don't watch too many moving ads. I don't have the cable on the teevee. And when the ads attack my computer screen i can just switch to another window or check out what's going on in the living breathing world or whatever.
So there's your preface.
I think you can put 2 and 2 and diatribe together. I don't know when it happened but sometime between when i stopped watching big-picture movies (10th grade?) and when i started up again cuz of a relationship, they switched from still picture ads and cool little trivia stuff to the asinine practice of cramming loud commercials for 'the shit that no one needs, which drives our economy higher and our collective existence lower' into every minute prior to the beginning of the advertisements for other movies. (I can actually vaguely remember the initial phase of all this for some reason...It was a very strange bunch of advertisements, with a gender-split set of perfumes that came out of spritz bottles. Everyone remembers seeing commercials for "Bod Man" fragrances at movie theaters, "Hot Bod! Lean Bod! I WANT your bod.... I think everyone remembers this because it was fucking bizarre. What no one remembers is the commercials that came either immediately before or after Bod Man with animated fairies and a female chorus singing something about fantasies but it was obviously just the same bottle with a different name printed on it. They were equally bizarre but nobody remembers them. But so yea, i think that was the start of the pre-movie product adverts and it also might have been the direct antecedent of Axe Body Spray. A low point for humanity indeed).
So, now, you have the pre-ads, the ads, and then your movie. In the foreseeable future, it's reasonable to assume that 'previews' for network television and 'film entries' by amateurs intended to creatively express their love of a particular soft drink or t-shirt or ribbed condom or whatever will be preceded by even MORE ads that are just commercials like you'd see on television. It's totally possible that i'll bitch about how much i hate the pre-pre-pre ads on the internet in a few years.
It ain't right, i tell you. Just ain't right,
Kevsumer
P.S. Shutter Island is a quality piece of movie-work. I licked it.
P.S.S. They should really think about serving popcorn shrimp at movie theater concession stands. That would be the jam.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
Dear....
...Everyone,
I have something to say.
Tights. Are. Not. Pants.
Apparently, there is an entire website devoted to saying as much (linked above). There's also a blog. http://unfashionableindecency.wordpress.com/page/3/
I don't care. I need to write it myself. Because Athens, Georgia is so full of people whose butts and other crevices have overwhelmed my eyes by that i can no longer remain silent.
Tights are not pants!
Tights are designed to keep your legs warm if you want to wear a skirt on a chilly day. Tights should be worn under jeans on an even colder day. Tights are a totally functional and acceptable piece of clothing. But they are not pants.
To those with nice butts: Even beautiful things become less so when their most intimate details are highlighted. I wish i could say that i appreciate your generosity in providing these details.
To those with less-than-nice butts: I am now painfully aware of your gluteal curse. Painfully, painfully aware.
By extension, your oversized sweatshirt isn't a shirt. Your large men's button down isn't a shirt. Your trashy skirt isn't a less trashy skirt if I can still see your butt, only it's a different color.
Tights as pants person, i can't even respect you like i respect the dreadlock rattail guy. (I love that guy). You gotta respect yourself.
And everyone who doesn't want to see your butt.
Which is most of us.
Tights aren't pants,
-kevin police
I have something to say.
Tights. Are. Not. Pants.
Apparently, there is an entire website devoted to saying as much (linked above). There's also a blog. http://unfashionableindecency.wordpress.com/page/3/
I don't care. I need to write it myself. Because Athens, Georgia is so full of people whose butts and other crevices have overwhelmed my eyes by that i can no longer remain silent.
Tights are not pants!
Tights are designed to keep your legs warm if you want to wear a skirt on a chilly day. Tights should be worn under jeans on an even colder day. Tights are a totally functional and acceptable piece of clothing. But they are not pants.
To those with nice butts: Even beautiful things become less so when their most intimate details are highlighted. I wish i could say that i appreciate your generosity in providing these details.
To those with less-than-nice butts: I am now painfully aware of your gluteal curse. Painfully, painfully aware.
By extension, your oversized sweatshirt isn't a shirt. Your large men's button down isn't a shirt. Your trashy skirt isn't a less trashy skirt if I can still see your butt, only it's a different color.
Tights as pants person, i can't even respect you like i respect the dreadlock rattail guy. (I love that guy). You gotta respect yourself.
And everyone who doesn't want to see your butt.
Which is most of us.
Tights aren't pants,
-kevin police
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Teh....
...swamped.
I'm really-super-not-even-joking-migraine's-coming-on-type busy right now.
But: i committed to writing a letter to the internet at least once or twice a week. I'm afraid if i don't write now, i won't write later (interesting to use a colon there rather than a comma. Legit?)
So...uh...here's this Fergie video.
If any of you got my 15 songs, this was one of them. I like this song very, very much. The video takes it to a whole new level. It very well may be in my top multiple of ten which is smaller than 50 of all time.
I don't like the Black Eyed Peas. I don't like Fergie very much at all. I love this song. There's a grip of incoherent reasoning behind all that, which I won't go into here. Ask me about it sometime.
So in love witchoo,
-my lovely lady kevs
I'm really-super-not-even-joking-migraine's-coming-on-type busy right now.
But: i committed to writing a letter to the internet at least once or twice a week. I'm afraid if i don't write now, i won't write later (interesting to use a colon there rather than a comma. Legit?)
So...uh...here's this Fergie video.
If any of you got my 15 songs, this was one of them. I like this song very, very much. The video takes it to a whole new level. It very well may be in my top multiple of ten which is smaller than 50 of all time.
I don't like the Black Eyed Peas. I don't like Fergie very much at all. I love this song. There's a grip of incoherent reasoning behind all that, which I won't go into here. Ask me about it sometime.
So in love witchoo,
-my lovely lady kevs
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Apparently...
...Del tha Funky Homosapien
is Ice Cube's...
cousin.
Crazy! I had no idea!
(I am SO happy i decided to google image search cousin)
A warm blanket wrapped around your heart,
-all in the kevmily
Monday, February 8, 2010
i been...
...in a kinda blue-ish hue.
That's prolly why i been writing a lot about music and my life's little oddities and not much stuff i think about real stuff.
I think i've also avoided heavier topics cause my brain's been pretty gummed up recently. Nothing's coming out particularly clear. My sister says that this thing i wrote about the mountain goats reads like a confused high school girl's account of her new BF's erratic behavior. That's fair. If anyone were actually reading my space letters, it's prolly pretty clear that i'm preoccupied about some stuff.
Stuff.
But whatever!
If you've been feeling kinda this way too...this song's for you! It is my Mildly Depressed Person Late Winter Jam!
It's pretty much perfect for when you feel like you might lack some things, but things are going right, but you can't quite appreciate them cause of the things you're worried you might be lacking.
The song is called "I ain't got no...I got Life." It's by Le Volume Courbe. i don't know anything about the person/people who made this song except that they made it.
You can listen to it here.
I heard it because of a music blog called a Motel de Moka that i'll peruse now and then. I dislike 80% of the music they put up there. I really really really like 15% of it. I have a feeling it wasn't created for folks like me, but i'm glad it's there nonetheless.
I hope you like that song.
-kevbruary
That's prolly why i been writing a lot about music and my life's little oddities and not much stuff i think about real stuff.
I think i've also avoided heavier topics cause my brain's been pretty gummed up recently. Nothing's coming out particularly clear. My sister says that this thing i wrote about the mountain goats reads like a confused high school girl's account of her new BF's erratic behavior. That's fair. If anyone were actually reading my space letters, it's prolly pretty clear that i'm preoccupied about some stuff.
Stuff.
But whatever!
If you've been feeling kinda this way too...this song's for you! It is my Mildly Depressed Person Late Winter Jam!
It's pretty much perfect for when you feel like you might lack some things, but things are going right, but you can't quite appreciate them cause of the things you're worried you might be lacking.
The song is called "I ain't got no...I got Life." It's by Le Volume Courbe. i don't know anything about the person/people who made this song except that they made it.
You can listen to it here.
I heard it because of a music blog called a Motel de Moka that i'll peruse now and then. I dislike 80% of the music they put up there. I really really really like 15% of it. I have a feeling it wasn't created for folks like me, but i'm glad it's there nonetheless.
I hope you like that song.
-kevbruary
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
A quick word on...
...messenger bags.
I have worn one as my primary mode of carrying things for schools since I started as an undergraduate at the University of Minnesota. I think it is time for me to stop.
Here is the short version of why this is so:
(Photo credit to Emily for managing to avoid both my face and my nipples)
As much as I like have one extremely pronounced trapezius muscle, the ensuing back problems as a result of this imbalance aren't quite worth it.
I started wearing this Jansport messenger bag that my mom bought me (thanks mom!) for a few reasons:
1/ Cuz all the cool kids were doing it.
2/ Kept my laptop safe.
3/ Pretty much the only reason was #1.
When I learned to ride a bike again, I also discovered that the bag fit very well on the small of my back (and again, adding the bike reinforced #1).
Problems started when I started having to carry a lot of heavy books AND a laptop in the bag. I could see little tears in the bottom of the bag. My left shoulder would be sore for days on end. I started noticing hump on my left shoulder when I would shrug. All of this culminated in the sturdy little plastic piece of my bag responsible for regulating strap length snapping loudly as a dropped the bag in place as I'd done hundreds of times one spring day in 2008.
The Jansport bag was dead after 4 solid years of service. I honored it by refusing to buy a new bag until last March. Using a bag with a bad strap is a stupid, stupid idea.
So, I bought a new bag. It was this Chrome bag, which I believed would better distribute the weight of the shit I put in my bag.
Among my other rationalizations for getting this bag were, of course, reason #1.
I had coveted the bags when I worked with a bunch of hipsters at a cafe. And when I was crushin on bike girls at about the same time. And when I frequented nasty basement house parties. I always dismissed impulses to buy one because I "didn't want to be one of those jerks." Here in Georgia, however, we are so far from Seattle that I deemed it safe to be one of those jerks because would know a Chrome bag from a Timbuk2 (or whatever your flavor pretentious commuter carryall). So...I ponied up and had one shipped from Portland via Craigslist.
I was definitely wrong in my assumption. People still wear those bags here. And those people still suck. I try to avoid thinking about whether I am one of those people (read: probably).
I should have mentioned earlier that I've actually measured how much weight I put on one shoulder on a daily basis using the scale at the gym. With just some shorts on, I weigh ~173 lbs. With my bag, my weight is usually between 205 and 215 lbs.
Knowing this, I've concluded that no strap width can ease the back pain and weird muscle growth that continues with my current bag. It's time to go back to elementary school. It's time to blend in with the chemistry nerds. It's time to really deserve those scoffs of the fixed-gear kids.
It's time to get...a...backpack.
I'ma get this one!
And that's the story of how I carry stuff for school.
Jesus Christ, the longest post I've written in a long time is about bags.
Disgusted with myself,
-kevpack
I have worn one as my primary mode of carrying things for schools since I started as an undergraduate at the University of Minnesota. I think it is time for me to stop.
Here is the short version of why this is so:
(Photo credit to Emily for managing to avoid both my face and my nipples)
As much as I like have one extremely pronounced trapezius muscle, the ensuing back problems as a result of this imbalance aren't quite worth it.
I started wearing this Jansport messenger bag that my mom bought me (thanks mom!) for a few reasons:
1/ Cuz all the cool kids were doing it.
2/ Kept my laptop safe.
3/ Pretty much the only reason was #1.
When I learned to ride a bike again, I also discovered that the bag fit very well on the small of my back (and again, adding the bike reinforced #1).
Problems started when I started having to carry a lot of heavy books AND a laptop in the bag. I could see little tears in the bottom of the bag. My left shoulder would be sore for days on end. I started noticing hump on my left shoulder when I would shrug. All of this culminated in the sturdy little plastic piece of my bag responsible for regulating strap length snapping loudly as a dropped the bag in place as I'd done hundreds of times one spring day in 2008.
The Jansport bag was dead after 4 solid years of service. I honored it by refusing to buy a new bag until last March. Using a bag with a bad strap is a stupid, stupid idea.
So, I bought a new bag. It was this Chrome bag, which I believed would better distribute the weight of the shit I put in my bag.
Among my other rationalizations for getting this bag were, of course, reason #1.
I had coveted the bags when I worked with a bunch of hipsters at a cafe. And when I was crushin on bike girls at about the same time. And when I frequented nasty basement house parties. I always dismissed impulses to buy one because I "didn't want to be one of those jerks." Here in Georgia, however, we are so far from Seattle that I deemed it safe to be one of those jerks because would know a Chrome bag from a Timbuk2 (or whatever your flavor pretentious commuter carryall). So...I ponied up and had one shipped from Portland via Craigslist.
I was definitely wrong in my assumption. People still wear those bags here. And those people still suck. I try to avoid thinking about whether I am one of those people (read: probably).
I should have mentioned earlier that I've actually measured how much weight I put on one shoulder on a daily basis using the scale at the gym. With just some shorts on, I weigh ~173 lbs. With my bag, my weight is usually between 205 and 215 lbs.
Knowing this, I've concluded that no strap width can ease the back pain and weird muscle growth that continues with my current bag. It's time to go back to elementary school. It's time to blend in with the chemistry nerds. It's time to really deserve those scoffs of the fixed-gear kids.
It's time to get...a...backpack.
I'ma get this one!
And that's the story of how I carry stuff for school.
Jesus Christ, the longest post I've written in a long time is about bags.
Disgusted with myself,
-kevpack
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