The Japanese Just Do it Better

Cartoons, Movies, Cars, Candy, Sexual Fetishes.

Rock and Roll Music

I saw The Boredoms on Tuesday night. Oh. My. god. The show was absolutely incredible.

My ears hurt the following morning, in the best way possible. This band stretched what could be called "American Music" to the limits of my imagination. I fell into a trance at least three seperate times. My friend Justin, who I'm not sure was going to be into it, was in total awe. The music was noise. The noise was music. I have never seen a concert (popular, orchestral, otherwise) that was played with greater precision. It was not the best show I've ever been too, all things considered; however, it might have been the best performed music I have ever witnessed

The band was five members. Eye, lead singer (most of his vocals made use of a delay pedal), played two glowing balls that he held in his fists that made different frequencies depending on what height he held them at. Three drummers. Three...incredible...drummers playing extremely complex rhythms in perfect unison or perfect compliment, depending on the moment. They were all extremely different (homeless looking guy, weird hippie woman, business man on the weekend???), and all absolutely technically proficient. Another guy who was adjusting instruments and running the electronics. He seemed very valuable.

Which brings me to my personal favorite part of the show. 8...fucking...telecasters. WELDED TOGETHER. That's right, it was like those layered organs, but with GUITARS. And no, folks, that's not all. This octo-tar was played with STICKS. Occasionally Eye would step away from his synthesizer grab some drumsticks or something that looked like a broomhandle and whack the thing. It made beautiful sounds. Also, even though it looked like it was being played with reckless abandon, it was always in time with the trio. I think part of the value of the tuning-guy was that he was setting up the guitars to play different chords based on the tunings so there wasn't any fingering involved. Just whack one of the eight sets of six strings, whose chords were all in harmony, and nice things came as a result.

I left the show a little deaf and a lot euphoric. Thank you very much for your fascination with U.S. culture, Japan. You seem like very nice people.

Where's your baby?
-Kafin

Stop Bothering:

Michael Jackson
Brittany Spears
Charlie Manson
Governor Spitzer's Wife


I'm tired of the media frenzy. CNN should not be covering this ridiculous nonsense. There's a longer list, but for the (crazy, crazy, harmlessly crazy, tired and hurt) folks above it's probably very very tiring. They're not doing anything to anybody, leave them alone.

For the other lists of celebs (Paris, Branglina, Sen. Craig) the attention is wanted, beneficial, or deserved, so, whatever. But outside of these cases, I'd really really like it if they'd stop wasting their, my, and everyone else's time. Fucking media.

---

Personally, today has not been a good day.

I had to sit by a very, very large person on the plane. In Dallas, an elderly man squished my danish. I was way pissed.

heather mills was just awarded 40 million dollars of paul mccartney's money (according to headline news). thank god someone told me.

-sir kevin of kevton

Unhappiest Place on Earth (outside of Disneyworld)

That place is the mo'fuckin' airport.

I'm sitting in O'hare International as of right...now.

I just spent 7 dollars on a beer. Then I ate McDonalds. You would be hard pressed to find unhappier employees. Miserable fathers of 5 read Stephen King. It's Spring Break weekend, girls in the 14-17 year old age bracket are going to Mexico to get sunburns and nasty braids. Fat men carry tennis racquets.

Despite all this, I just saw things that I wouldn't see elsewhere.

In this order:
A man with 2-inch ear hair.
A woman that was dressed to KILL (big heels, ridiculously short yet classy skirt). She pulled it off in a way I haven't ever seen.
A midget.

I plan to escape this with a rather large dose of dramamine and another 7 dollar drink.

Don't say nothin'. Jes bob your head like you get it.

-kansas

copy::paste

As a rule, I don't usually read my school's paper.

(sorry lady)

But yesterday I was told about some incredible shit. There is a "dating advice" column in the paper called Dr. Date. Usually, it's an vapid person asking an inane question and receiving some pretty useless advice. Sometimes people write in to be funny.

They never are.

But then Feb 29th happened. This is what happened:

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Dr. Date,
My name is "Mike" but all my boyz call me Fizz Cat. It's actually kind of a sad story; I sometimes "fizz" when I see a pretty lookin' hunny.

Anyways, here's my problem: I'm 6'1" with a hot body, I'm athletic, I love to work out, I play the guitar incredibly, and I love to serenade the hunnies. Oh, I almost forgot: I am a proud Eagle Scout and I love the outdoors.

I know you're thinking "What's the problem here?" Well, for some odd reason the hunnies just don't want a piece of da Fizz.

I set out this semester with a new plan to just sit back and chill, drink, smoke, lift weights, play guitar and let the hunnies come to me.

However, my plan isn't working - no hunnies have even noticed me. The only number I've gotten was from a fellow Eagle Scout wanting to go "explore" Mother Nature.

Dr. Date, I need your help. Why won't the hunnies come? Please help this 19-year-old virgin in fear of never tasting the supple nectar of a good lookin' hunny.
-Fizz Cat

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DD's answer is not worth posting.

And on March 6th:

Dear Dr. Date,
It's Fizz again, and I just wanted to tell you that I have some issues with the advice you gave me.

I scored with two dime-piece hunnies last week, and that was all because I was playing the Fizz Cat card.

I know that being "Mike" may work for impressing my grandma, but to really score with da hunnies - I NEED TO BE FIZZ CAT!

Fizz is a sexual being whose quest is to score with the hunnies; Mike is just an Eagle Scout.

When I play the role of Fizz Cat, I feel as if nothing can harm me and that I am invincible.

I have a desire to be with good lookin' hunnies and I know my only chance at doing so is as DA GREAT FIZZ.

Though, I do appreciate your taking time to help me with my love life, and I have a serious question for you.

I have been practicing kung fu and my trainer brought up a deep question for me and I am not sure which way to go about it.

He said that, to attack your prey, you need to either be fierce and strong like a mountain gorilla or be quick and touchy like a spider monkey.

So I was with this hunny on Saturday, who was a real fine looker, when a problem arose.

I couldn't decide if I should let my inner gorilla out and start yelling and pounding my chest or if I should jump her quick and touch her all over like a spider monkey.

Dr. Date, please help me. Should I be Fizz Cat the gorilla or Fizz Cat the spider monkey?
-Fizz Cat

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Actually, reading it again, it's not all that funny. Crap. Well, too late now.

;;Publishhhhh-d::

-kaykaykaykay

Lookin' hot, smellin' good, groovin' like...

...I'm from the hood.

I love Destiny's Child. I am not afraid to admit that.

What I do not love. The word Yummy. I fucking hate the word yummy. Unless it involves Korean style barbecue ribs. In this and only this case is the word yummy acceptable.

In other news, Kevtronics.com is actually a real thing. It is a new company based out of Fairfield, CA. They build computers and consider themselves a "high-tech handyman service".

They must be destroyed.

-Kevtronics (incorporated)