Why folks my age are mostly dumb

I blame the creation and marketing of games like Gooey Louie.




"Pick his nose and pull the boogers one by one, but be careful! Pick the wrong gooey and Louie's brains pop out!"

A game that is more inane that Mouse Trap? Commendable and disturbing.

-kevvvved up

It's My Birthday and I Don't Know What To Do.

Thanks to Sam Brown at explodingdog.com who makes me feel beautiful and not for this world.

-kev22

Apparently, Washington State Runs On:

How strange,

-kev'm

Culverism #88....

..."When running a nationally recognized restaurant chain, you should probably invest in some descent advertising"

Really, though, I ate at a Culver's this afternoon. For those of you who are unfamiliar, it is a northern-type fast food restaurant, more or less the Minn-con-nois equivalent of a Sheridan's or a Tastee-Freez. They serve food that is at least on par with other chains or in some cases far superior. They serve Butterburgers, which are not so disgusting as they sound (this is actually the tip of the iceberg in terms of problematic word choice). They have frozen custard instead of ice cream. It's delcious.

So, why am I writing you about this benign, tasty, fattening establishment?

Mostly due to two of the slogans that get written on much of the chain's packaging and labels.

The first is:

"Get Culverized"

What? Ew. I think they mean get pulverized by Culver's. By which I mean I think they mean to drop 80 pounds Double Deluxe Culver on your head or surprise you with a 40-gallon custard-shower while you're in the bathtub. Then some pops out and screams, "You just got Culverized!!!" and you're supposed to give them a big thumbs-up.

The second slogan, which was posted on a note about getting pints of the flavor of the day for $3.39 was:

"Taste how much we care"

I will not debase myself by commenting on this. Let's just say that it could be gross in any number of contexts.

In tandem, these phrases make me either want to create a Culver's themed super-villain or to make a Culver's themed sex-tape. Starring someone who is not me. Because, um, yuck. And I have no idea how someone would get "Culverized" in either of these instances.

To sum up, Culver's should start advertising their hamburgers in a way that do not make me think of weird sex fetishes and/or destruction.



Join team Scoopie,
-Kevburger.

ps. www.getculverized.com