I won't....

...be compelled to buy stain remover or dishwashing liquid or a new car or a television so i can watch tbs' new lineup or a coca cola or 8 coca colas or a movie theater for a night so i can host a corporate meeting there or tickets to the olympics or more popcorn than i already bought because you advertise these things before the movie that i already payed $19.50 to watch.

(Breath)

1/ Let me start over. I don't watch very many movies in theaters. I prefer to rent movies that came out 5 years ago and have been thoroughly recommended to me and cost a dollar because a) they cost a dollar and b) i can pick which previews to watch and if i don't like them my remote control gives me the real ultimate power to skip through all the bull. If i'm ever at the movies it's because Emily likes them and so i go because i like her.

2/ I don't watch too many moving ads. I don't have the cable on the teevee. And when the ads attack my computer screen i can just switch to another window or check out what's going on in the living breathing world or whatever.

So there's your preface.

I think you can put 2 and 2 and diatribe together. I don't know when it happened but sometime between when i stopped watching big-picture movies (10th grade?) and when i started up again cuz of a relationship, they switched from still picture ads and cool little trivia stuff to the asinine practice of cramming loud commercials for 'the shit that no one needs, which drives our economy higher and our collective existence lower' into every minute prior to the beginning of the advertisements for other movies. (I can actually vaguely remember the initial phase of all this for some reason...It was a very strange bunch of advertisements, with a gender-split set of perfumes that came out of spritz bottles. Everyone remembers seeing commercials for "Bod Man" fragrances at movie theaters, "Hot Bod! Lean Bod! I WANT your bod.... I think everyone remembers this because it was fucking bizarre. What no one remembers is the commercials that came either immediately before or after Bod Man with animated fairies and a female chorus singing something about fantasies but it was obviously just the same bottle with a different name printed on it. They were equally bizarre but nobody remembers them. But so yea, i think that was the start of the pre-movie product adverts and it also might have been the direct antecedent of Axe Body Spray. A low point for humanity indeed).

So, now, you have the pre-ads, the ads, and then your movie. In the foreseeable future, it's reasonable to assume that 'previews' for network television and 'film entries' by amateurs intended to creatively express their love of a particular soft drink or t-shirt or ribbed condom or whatever will be preceded by even MORE ads that are just commercials like you'd see on television. It's totally possible that i'll bitch about how much i hate the pre-pre-pre ads on the internet in a few years.

It ain't right, i tell you. Just ain't right,

Kevsumer

P.S. Shutter Island is a quality piece of movie-work. I licked it.

P.S.S. They should really think about serving popcorn shrimp at movie theater concession stands. That would be the jam.