Dear....

...Everyone,

I have something to say.



Tights. Are. Not. Pants.

Apparently, there is an entire website devoted to saying as much (linked above). There's also a blog. http://unfashionableindecency.wordpress.com/page/3/

I don't care. I need to write it myself. Because Athens, Georgia is so full of people whose butts and other crevices have overwhelmed my eyes by that i can no longer remain silent.

Tights are not pants!

Tights are designed to keep your legs warm if you want to wear a skirt on a chilly day. Tights should be worn under jeans on an even colder day. Tights are a totally functional and acceptable piece of clothing. But they are not pants.

To those with nice butts: Even beautiful things become less so when their most intimate details are highlighted. I wish i could say that i appreciate your generosity in providing these details.

To those with less-than-nice butts: I am now painfully aware of your gluteal curse. Painfully, painfully aware.

By extension, your oversized sweatshirt isn't a shirt. Your large men's button down isn't a shirt. Your trashy skirt isn't a less trashy skirt if I can still see your butt, only it's a different color.



Tights as pants person, i can't even respect you like i respect the dreadlock rattail guy. (I love that guy). You gotta respect yourself.

And everyone who doesn't want to see your butt.

Which is most of us.

Tights aren't pants,
-kevin police