copy::paste

As a rule, I don't usually read my school's paper.

(sorry lady)

But yesterday I was told about some incredible shit. There is a "dating advice" column in the paper called Dr. Date. Usually, it's an vapid person asking an inane question and receiving some pretty useless advice. Sometimes people write in to be funny.

They never are.

But then Feb 29th happened. This is what happened:

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Dr. Date,
My name is "Mike" but all my boyz call me Fizz Cat. It's actually kind of a sad story; I sometimes "fizz" when I see a pretty lookin' hunny.

Anyways, here's my problem: I'm 6'1" with a hot body, I'm athletic, I love to work out, I play the guitar incredibly, and I love to serenade the hunnies. Oh, I almost forgot: I am a proud Eagle Scout and I love the outdoors.

I know you're thinking "What's the problem here?" Well, for some odd reason the hunnies just don't want a piece of da Fizz.

I set out this semester with a new plan to just sit back and chill, drink, smoke, lift weights, play guitar and let the hunnies come to me.

However, my plan isn't working - no hunnies have even noticed me. The only number I've gotten was from a fellow Eagle Scout wanting to go "explore" Mother Nature.

Dr. Date, I need your help. Why won't the hunnies come? Please help this 19-year-old virgin in fear of never tasting the supple nectar of a good lookin' hunny.
-Fizz Cat

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DD's answer is not worth posting.

And on March 6th:

Dear Dr. Date,
It's Fizz again, and I just wanted to tell you that I have some issues with the advice you gave me.

I scored with two dime-piece hunnies last week, and that was all because I was playing the Fizz Cat card.

I know that being "Mike" may work for impressing my grandma, but to really score with da hunnies - I NEED TO BE FIZZ CAT!

Fizz is a sexual being whose quest is to score with the hunnies; Mike is just an Eagle Scout.

When I play the role of Fizz Cat, I feel as if nothing can harm me and that I am invincible.

I have a desire to be with good lookin' hunnies and I know my only chance at doing so is as DA GREAT FIZZ.

Though, I do appreciate your taking time to help me with my love life, and I have a serious question for you.

I have been practicing kung fu and my trainer brought up a deep question for me and I am not sure which way to go about it.

He said that, to attack your prey, you need to either be fierce and strong like a mountain gorilla or be quick and touchy like a spider monkey.

So I was with this hunny on Saturday, who was a real fine looker, when a problem arose.

I couldn't decide if I should let my inner gorilla out and start yelling and pounding my chest or if I should jump her quick and touch her all over like a spider monkey.

Dr. Date, please help me. Should I be Fizz Cat the gorilla or Fizz Cat the spider monkey?
-Fizz Cat

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Actually, reading it again, it's not all that funny. Crap. Well, too late now.

;;Publishhhhh-d::

-kaykaykaykay