I Like Drinks

New Years 2012

2012-01-03T08:54:00.000-08:00

Hey. It's been a while.

I have a resolution for 2012:

Calm down. Everything's probably ok.

That's it.
-kevinewyear

Stuck...

2011-04-02T05:41:00.000-07:00

...on 202.

I started this thing as a log of travels.

Then I just sort of figured it was a way to inspire writing.

Then it took a turn for the youtube (read: worst).

Then I just sort of let it sit here, vacuum packed in the internet. The infinite echo-chamber. Someday someone will find it and fire me from my job.

I think i stopped writing primarily because i was too busy. By "busy" i don't know that i mean actually with too many things to do. Instead, my mind's eye tended to visualize all of the things i could be doing and i got freaked out and this went to the bottom of some totally nebulous to-do list (dig up the garden, buy a bookshelf, learn to write journal articles, finish the white paper you promised a professor in Georgia, bench press 200 pounds) of things that would never get done.

If it seems like a pretty dumb reason to abandon something that i was reasonably committed to, it is.

-kt

In an effort...

2011-02-05T14:18:00.000-08:00

...to have my most recent letter to space not be weird and self-helpey:

My favorite song in a while.

whitelongsleeveoxford,
-ktee

Nothing easy...

2011-01-18T17:50:00.000-08:00

...is worth doing.

Get up. Dust yourself off.

Tomorrow is day one.

-kt

Apparently, this...

2011-01-11T08:45:00.001-08:00

...is how my uncle thinks I live.

I got this video from him in a Facebook message with the salutation "Big city nights kev!!!!"

To be fair, my life is mostly flying Vs, Japan, and girl butts.

Awesome.

-Kev Metal

P.S. 200 posts, WHAT!?!?

Been a month...

2011-01-03T11:50:00.000-08:00

...and now it's 2011.

Later than usual, but:

Rezolushun:

More love, less fear.

So vague, it's kinda hard to follow through on. But I think I can do it. If you know me, you should help me.

Video plans for the newest of years:

luvs and luvs,
-kt

Holiday...

2010-12-09T13:34:00.000-08:00

...party!

Well...not really. I'm in law school. The chrissmass present that they give you is a set of exams that last until 3 days before the stupid holiday. (I suppose they push right through Hanukkah, too...dicks).

Anyway, sorry I haven't been around much, but the Metanalytics tell me that no one really visits anyway, so whatevs.

GIFTGUIDE2010:

(Back in UMN, we celebrated Capitalism Day...I miss the old country)

What the hell is this thing? Can I drink what comes out of it?

What the hell is this thing and does it have an "intimate" setting?

What the hell is going on here and why don't I have one?

A Spiderman mask with a good eye-hiding to vision-obscuring ratio.
(Read the review by Thomas Eliot, you can't miss with this one)

A trip to Korea

Drinks to make this pain in my head go away.
(That website is definitely about car engines...har)

Cat therapist! (Thanks to Havana)

You should really click on that picture up there to make it bigger and get a sense of just how awesome it is...

Happy Holidaaaaaays,
-kevitalism day.

just becoming...

2010-11-19T07:01:00.001-08:00

...a string of videos that i think are amusing.

For this, i apologize. It is simply the product of no time and lots to do + a modest commitment to posting once a week. Without some kind of theme to drive writing, it gets pretty hard to think of precisely what might be entertaining/engaging.

But enough of that!

I think Eddie Murphy is pretty funny. And this is probably my favorite bit of what he's done. It was really hard to find, NBC's a bunch of jerks.

-k-e-v my landlord.

Techno...

2010-11-11T11:45:00.000-08:00

...fail.

(I've grown generally opposed to the 'fail' phenomenon, mostly due to being around someone who hates it more than I do, but nothing else really gets at the heart of this situation as well as that turn-of-internet)

First, watch this for some context:

Great song. Totally catchy. Also quotable.

Another piece of vital information: my phone is a blackberry that is highly prone to pocket calls.

Now, the story.

Wednesday night, I was sending text messages to a friend about the fact that I was drinking a whiskey that she used to drink a lot of, Old Crow. Basically, I sent her a text-toast.

She replied that she had long-since stopped drinking Old Crow and had moved on to drinking Bulleit, which is a respectable, if bourgie, choice.

In my mind, there was only one obvious retort. (See: video).

I slept whiskey-well that night...fast forward to the next morning.

Did the normal get up, walk dogs, walk to the train, hate everything on the train, walk to school thing, and right before I entered the building I thought it would be good to turn the ringer off on my phone (avoiding classroom embarrassment).

This is what I saw:

...plus ~14 of the same messages that there's not room on the screen of a phone to display.

"Abuelito" is my grandfather. He is a)very old, b) not really that tech savvy, and c)not totally English proficient.

God I hope he doesn't have a plan that lets him get text messages.

Oh you fancy, huh?

-pockev calls

This is just to say...

2010-11-01T17:16:00.000-07:00

...I have eaten
the Cheetos
that were on
the kitchen shelf

and which
you were probably
saving
to eat while watching tv shows
on the internet.

Forgive me
they were delicious
so crunchy
and so covered in
powdered cheese

-kevin kevlos williams

Man...

2010-10-07T18:18:00.001-07:00

...this is awesome.

Cee Lo Green - Fuck You
Uploaded by Warner-Music. - Watch more music videos, in HD!

I was going to just post something about fuck Williamsburg, but what a waste of cyberspace.

Cee-Lo is so...so...baller.

-kevlogreen

PS. Fuck Williamsburg.

On cloud....

2010-10-05T11:10:00.000-07:00

...9.

Just met Dolores Huerta and shook her hand and said thank you for everything you've ever done for people.

I've never met anyone who radiated kindness and strength like that.

In the midst of a lot of reasons to feel tired and mean, i feel very happy.

Choosing not to skip class for this would've been stupid.

-kevntent (for now)

Just when i thought my obsession...

2010-09-23T15:03:00.000-07:00

...with Katy Perry's 'Hot and Cold' was over.

This happens:

Aigghhhh...why won't Katy Perry just let me live my life1?!?!

-kevmo

ps. for related (jawesome) content, see: the first video i ever embedded

First of all....

2010-09-17T08:06:00.000-07:00

...The Saint Paul Saints are awesome.

Minor league baseball is awesome.

At some point, The Saints were owned by Bill Murray...awesome! Scroll down a little ways, he is also apparently the team psychologist (thanks to laura for giving me the tip and thereby rendering my life a tad more complete.

Second of all, this is mostly just an excuse to post this video clip.

I fucking love Bill Murray.

-kevin and cigarettes

Sometimes you see weird shit...

2010-09-14T13:45:00.000-07:00

...on the Manhattan bridge.

And sometimes bizarre things are happening, too.

I bike across the Manhattan bridge at least twice a day, most days. Today, I was wearing a backpack that brought my body weight up from 165 lbs to 210 lbs. I don't think that's healthy. That's neither here nor there.

Today, I saw three things that made me shake my head. Two of them made me smile. See if you can you guess them in a 'how well do i know kevin?' pop quiz:

A/ Family of tourists collectively ride into the oncoming biker lane in order to get into the frame of a photo being taken by dad, who has dismounted from his bike in the middle of the lane designated for bikers going in my direction.

B/ Guy has dismounted from his bicycle to scale the railing between the bike lane and the place where the train runs to smoke a J and stare into the Hudson.

C/ Man is huffing and puffing on a mountain bike pulling his baby in a Burley trailer. Closer inspection reveals that his baby is actually a small dog. Even closer inspection reveals that the dog is having a fucking awesome time.

If I knew how to put letters upside-down on blogger, I would post the answers below, newspaper-jumble-style.

Miss you bunches,
-kevley

5 musical performers...

2010-09-10T13:56:00.000-07:00

...that changed my life in the last two years.

So, repeat thought from last week, law school makes it difficult to devote any brainergy at all to thinking, let alone what thoughts might be blog-worthy. And I refuse to make my blog about the life of a "1L" and what it takes to survive. Naw, that ain't me.

A while ago, I thought a little bit about whether and how my taste in music has evolved since I left college. I feel like a lot of people apex during those 3-6 years because there's downtime to think about shit like how you might broaden your musical horizons. More recently, discovery hasn't happened so often, but I feel like when it does, I've come across something important.

List (some with little qualifiers, some with no qualifiers. I am pressed for time, yo).

1)Bo Diddley. (Probably him most of any of them. Dude changed everything about music for me and for the world.)
2) Lil Wayne. (Knew he was good, didn't know how good. Still remember his songs with Birdman from middle school before I knew who he was. The link is non-representative of what I love about him, but it's weird and awesome. Better)
3) The Mountain Goats. (So prolific that even though I've loved him since early in college, every new/old song with new/old lyrics I listen to speaks to me in incredible ways. His new stuff is less big for me, but there's so much old stuff that I'll be listening and learning for some time to come, I think. He's also hilarious.)
4) Dabrye (Shake your ass.)
5) Flat Duo Jets (Thanks, Athens.)

Hopefully someone reading this listens to something from the list and likes it. Even if that doesn't happen, I can be happy knowing that music still matters to me.

-kevolved

I know...

2010-09-02T15:30:00.000-07:00

...kinda lame, but law school takes up a lot of time!

From Muggsy Bogues' Twitter:

"You know what's not cool? Confederate flags. You know what is cool? Horses."

Fucking. Profound. (Seriously, the man's statement resonated with my own feelings on both of those things).

Here's a picture of Mr. Bogues with Manute Bol (coincidentally, also an awesome guy):

aaaaand, here's a picture of horses from when I went to England.

Horses are cool.
-kevsy

P.S. Keep an eye out for a new post on my other blog Brooklyn Consumed.

Commentary on bureacracy...

2010-08-24T12:06:00.000-07:00

...from 1886:

"The story of Ivan Ilyich's life was of the simplest, most ordinary and therefore the most terrible.
"He had been a member of the Cort of Justice and died at the age of forty-five. He was the son of an official whose career in Petersburg in various ministries and departments had been such as leads men to positions from which, by reason of their long service and the official rank they have attained, they cannot be discharged, although it is obvious that they are unfit to perform any useful duty, and for whom, therefore, posts are created, which though fictitious carry salaries from six to ten thousand roubles that are not fictitious and on which they go on living to an advanced age."*

(I was going to put a political cartoon up above it, but I just realized I've never like political cartoons all that much)

What a terrifying thing to find in a short story. What's more terrifying? That this is a real staple of human productivity. The list of examples is staggering. The process of dealing with it is soul-crushing.

-kev-rock-racy

*From: Tolstoy, Leo (1886). The Death of Ivan Ilyich. Penguin Red Classic edition, 2006

PS. My sister is a beautiful bride if such a thing ever was.

A couple of things America...

2010-08-18T08:44:00.000-07:00

...got right: absurdity, and obliviousness to that absurdity.

BEHOLD!

Holy shit that is ridiculous. And hilarious. And we are all schmucks.

I can't believe that was actually on tv,
-keverican revolution

some facts....

2010-08-06T08:09:00.000-07:00

...about lizards. More specifically, facts about short-horned lizards (check that dude out...so majestique!)

Yesterday, my truck was towed and impounded. The people at the impound were jerks. I was bored and hot and sad because they wanted lots of money to give me my truck back. I didn't know what to do.

Then, i remembered i had the internet on my phone. I still didn't know what to do. The cursor just sat there in the phone Google search box. Then, i knew what i wanted to type. This is what i typed:

'facts about lizards'

This is what i learned about horned lizards (from onlinemathlearning.com- Amazing animal facts):

"Can horned lizards spit blood out of their eyes?

Yes, at least four varieties of horned lizard do spit blood out of their eyes as a message for predators to back off! When threatened, a horned lizard has a detailed escape plan. First, it runs and stops suddenly, trying to confuse the predator. If that doesn’t work, its next line of defense is to puff up its body and show off its spiny scales. As a last resort, the lizard will increase the blood pressure in its head until small blood vessels in its eyes rupture. This causes blood to squirt out in a stream that can carry for up to three feet. The blood confuses the predator and tastes really bad, too—or at least canines and felines seem to think so.

The horned lizard is popularly called a "horned toad," "horny toad", or "horned frog," but it is neither a toad nor a frog. The names come from the lizard's rounded body and blunt snout, which make it resemble a toad or frog (see the picture above). The spines on its back and sides are made from modified scales, whereas the horns on the heads are true horns with a bony core.

The horned lizards have other ways of avoiding predation besides shooting blood. Their coloration generally serves as camouflage. When threatened, their first defense is to remain still and hope to avoid detection. If approached too closely, they generally run in short bursts and stop abruptly to confuse the predator's visual acuity. If this fails, they puff up their body to cause its spiny scales to protrude, making it appear larger and more difficult to swallow."

Look at this video!

First, the lizard's like, "MMMMMM...ants in slo-mo!" Then, this fox gets all up in his shit. And the lizard's like, "Get off me fox!" And then he gets all crazy and squirts blood on him.

Lizards are badass.

-horned kevin

cartoons,...

2010-08-03T08:52:00.000-07:00

...i like them better than pretty much anything else i could watch.

I also really like reading comics.

My reasons are pretty simple. First and foremost, I remain pretty childish. I still enjoy the shows from Nickelodeon that were created and aired in the early an mid-90s. My best friends and I watched cartoons that were intended for 11 year-olds well through high school. I also liked the wildly popular "Adult Swim" lineup, but not as much. I guess i just never stopped liking weird non sequiturs and absurd exaggerations?

My second reason is more substantive. I believe that at their best, cartoons are more expansive in their presentations. Animated television shows, movies, and video games come directly from the minds of their creators and illustrators. Even in "direct" representation of life around us, where cartoons simply give us the stories of people, cartoon television, movies and comics can materialize fantasies and emotions, making life more vivid. In less traditional illustrations of life (my favorite!) we might get an insight into the lives of aliens, personified objects, or animals as people.

Removing the limitation of simply capturing and then potentially manipulating the world around us gives people who create cartoons near unlimited potential in exploding the realm of possibility in storytelling. Their only limitations are what they might be able to fathom and then channel through their hands or their computer machines (again, my preference is hand drawn as I feel like computer illustrators have a tendency to strive toward 'life-like' instead of away from it).

In terms of storytelling, regardless of who they are intended for, cartoons are most often created by adults. As a result, audiences either get adult takes on reminiscences of their own childhoods/adolescences, animated representations of adulthood (see: Rocko, above), or stuff so removed from anything we've ever seen or heard that it could only drawn. This in and of itself should remove the 'cartoons are for kids' stigma.

This Scrooge McDuck comic from (from Videogum) sums up a lot of what i mean about imagination and stories.

You can read the whole comic here.

For a lot of people, the move Inception seems to represent an incredible example of innovation in the 'heist' concept, where dreams might be a place to commit theft given the weakness of the victim in a dream state. Still, making this idea stick in the 'real world' didn't happen until 2010, and when it finally happened, it was wildly popular.

Amazingly, this idea was printed and distributed to children in the 1950's. Even the 'kick' concept, if not directly ripped off from the comic, was already done:

.

To sum up, it strikes me that the most innovative storytelling, at least in the realm of fantastic cinema and television, is drawn. Unfortunately, animation doesn't sell like live action film or animation that's supposed to get really, really close to mimicking live action (see: the suck that was Avatar). I don't know why cartoons can't be marketed more effectively to adults. For me, Batman the Animated Series, a highly acclaimed Batman cartoon that appeared on the Fox Network while I was in elementary school was nearly as dark and just as compelling as the more recent and wildly popular Batman films. A feature-length cartoon, however, would never have been marketed so heavily nor as popular in theaters. The same is true of the new Scott Pilgrim movie, which, volume-length aside, is very unlikely to do justice to the original books. Nonetheless, it gets huge billing, television, internet, and print ads, a big name in Michael Cera, and probably (relatively) big box office numbers.

Me, i'd prefer it were a cartoon. Shit, i wish everything was a cartoon.

-kevillustrated

Czech...

2010-07-28T15:14:00.001-07:00

...new wave.

Cinema.

I don't have any idea how I got to it, but I did, and it is magnificent.

I need to see the whole thing now. Supposedly, it is just as good as what these 4 minutes.

-kevimkrasky (1966)

oh my god...

2010-07-26T12:38:00.001-07:00

...look at that fucking hipster.

Still hot. Still bored.

But I was in the uber-snotty hi-brow online music site The Brooklyn Vegan.

I was pictured here (scroll down about halfway).

I'll save you the trouble:

In a hilarious turn of events, I didn't actually get to see either Cap'n Jazz or Lightning Bolt play. I heard that they were both awesome.

Double dang,
-kevyn vegan

Slow, slow, slow...

2010-07-22T13:45:00.000-07:00

...heat.

Felt like it was the right time to right.

With the summer's advance and a lack of a job or a school or a goal-oriented hobby, i've got much less to do, much less to describe. Perhaps coming here so early was a bad plan.

The frisbee thing worked out. So that's good, yeah?

I'm reading some things I've been meaning to read for a long time, but that usually tends to work out such that they take a while to finish. By the time i've finished 1/5 of what i meant to, it's time to do other things. Right now, i'm in the middle of the of Sinclair's "The Jungle." It's a great book. It's also a bad choice for having a kind of saddude (read: subdued) time in the city.

Last, we went and saw "Inception". It was great, except that Leonardo DiCaprio appears to have agreed to act in a movie with the same plot, 50 years later, plus Matrix fight scenes, minus socially uncomfortable subjects (mental illness) as another movie he starred in (Shutter Island), which was released in January. The one that came out first was better.

I'm really hoping that things and the blog pick up soon.

Until then, here i am.

-kevdog days of summer.

PS! Some of you will be getting presents soon!

Small time Kansas newspaper...

2010-07-09T07:42:00.000-07:00

...wins Field Medal for Mathematics!!!!

The Manhattan Mercury, which has illuminated my hometown for decades with insightful news and analysis, has stepped up its game by drawing only the most important elements of current events and condensing them down to their most essential elements in a simple, summative equation. The veracity of simple calculation has never been so staggering.

Truly, a momentous day in word economy.

me+internet=yeah,
-kevin trouble

Commodify...

2010-07-06T11:15:00.000-07:00

...your everything.

Ah, to walk the line between wearing/doing/buying cool things and not being a schmuck whose non-paid vocation is to make some rich jerks even richer by buying stuff that makes you feel like you're so different from those jerks.

I've always been a little wary of a few companies, but some stuff i'm finding out is totally out-of-the-blue-gotchasuckers!-type weird and scary. Like, while i've never worn Vans, i always thought that Vans was a benign skating company (like Adio or whatever) whose whole thing was "we make skateboard shoes and clothes for teenagers, sometimes you can buy them in the mall." More recently, lowtop Keds-looking Vans shoes seem to be the thing to wear, especially in New York. This doesn't seem skater-ey, but still, who can blame a company for branching out when a cultural fad (skating) becomes less of a big thing.

Turns out that it was never about skating. Vans is a company whose premise is manufacturing goods that fit well on people interested in bucking trends and living outside the norm. They make goods for people looking to voice their distinctiveness by purchasing stuff. Its goal is not a new one, but it's one that I've never seen so clearly articulated in a corporate charter.

From the prospectus of a new company called "Vans" in the early 90's:

"the Company has developed a strong brand image which the Company believes represents the individualistic and outdoor lifestyle of its target customer base. The VANS brand image coincides with what the Company believes is a fundamental shift in the attitudes and lifestyles of young people worldwide, characterized by the rapid growth and acceptance of alternative, outdoor sports and the desire to lead an individualistic, contemporary lifestyle.

The company's success is largely dependent on its ability to anticipate the rapidly changing fashion tastes of its customers and to provide merchandise that appeals to their preferences in a timely manner."*

Apparently it's not just a company for skating. It's a company for youthful rebels. For everyone who wants to show their solidarity with other 'individuals'. And i'm sure that this language pervades the internal corporate documents of hundreds of companies, dozens that I like...

I don't like that the approach i'm taking here is only troubling and not constructive or proactive. It's a problem I have with the book that the quote is taken from as well.

*From: Commodify Your Dissent: Salvos from The Baffler. Edited by Thomas Frank and Matt Weiland . ISBN 0-393-31673-4

Sometimes we all need....

2010-07-01T18:58:00.000-07:00

...a box to hide inside of.

...just a small box. Maybe a rug came in it. Maybe it's full of bubble wrap.

Things haven't been the greatest around here. Money problems, mostly. I think most people have those sometimes or a lot. And on the tops of all that pile of money problems sometimes people just don't feel that good. And I don't feel that good.

But I !dew! have an apartment in the summer. And I've got some very good mixes of music (thanks frunds). And a yellow cat.

I guess I'm really not short much except maybe some bubble wrap. I could probly find some bubble wrap somewheres.

Hot time, summer in the summer.
-lovin kevful

BONO! TINY!

My feelings on country music...

2010-06-23T17:39:00.000-07:00

...are pretty simple.

Mostly, i like it.

Especially if it was made in the late-eighties through mid-nineties. These songs are what i cut my musical teeth on. I used to listen to the top-10 at ten-type program on Manhattan, KS' "Hot Country," B104.7 religiously. I would actually call in pretty often. I won a Clay Walker cd one time.

At that point, i felt it was probably going to be one of the greatest moments of my life.

Because of three 14-hour road trips i took along the east coast recently in a truck with loaded with things (pictures later), with a broken tape player i had to listen to radio. Lots and lots of radio. In some parts of rural Virginia, it was only country music. I was totally alright with that.

I definitely thought I was totally alright with that. As it turns out, sometimes I don't like country music. I made a computer drawing about the pretty clear line that separates good from bad country music, in my opinion:

Pretty simple.

I like most everything Allen Jackson has ever recorded. He sings about the country. And simple folks. And drinking by rivers and then later trying to have sex with girls. And sometimes about Mercury automobiles.

Things that pretty much guarantee I won't like a country music song:

Singing about killing someone like you've done it and think other people should too.
Singing about the life of fame that country music has brought you and how tough it is.
T-shirts, short skirts, and creepy boy-stalking.
Autotune.

Thank you, Allen Jackson, for being awesome at country music.

-hot country, kev 104.7

I was birthed...

2010-06-18T13:35:00.000-07:00

...today 24 and some-odd or maybe no-odd days ago.

Fuck. 24 definitely seems to be that line you draw where you're an adult now. At least that's what the Manhattannites (big kind, not small kind) I met the other night seem to think about it. They say that you can tell the difference between the ambitious, naive new New Yorkers and the old ones by gauging which ones seem older than 24.

I am not supposed to be young and stupid any more. That went way way way way way too fast. I want to be young and stupid so bad. So bad.

Aaaanyway:

That was my celebration song.

I love you.

-kevune 18th 2010.

P.s.

New York...

2010-05-23T15:10:00.001-07:00

...state of mind.

Yeah. Lame title (thanks, Nas). But that shit has become REAL.

Signed a lease on an apartment. It's small. And expensive. BUT.

It has a huuuuge yard. Which is RAD.

It's down the street from a place that has a $3.50 falafel sandwich. And some banks. And something called the 'pillow cafe'.

It would appear I will be able to access both morning and night drinks. FAB, RIGHT?

Thought I would post some pictures of it. They are below.

Finally. Shoutout to Will, Jeff, Devin, and Melissa for making "suckin dick and cleaning house" this year's "kickin ass and taking names."

Also shoutout to them for pointing out that 'shoutouts' are even something I can do. SHOUTOUT.

-kevinewyorkcityerwhatevs

A few...

2010-05-05T11:25:00.000-07:00

...things from the internet.

1) If you have a blog, you should read the comments. If there are comments to read, you should click on them to find out who is commenting, especially if you don't know them. Someone named "Crazy World" thinks that I write things that are funny to read.

This is their blog.

It is my favorite thing on the internet ever.

2) Dear America,
You are so fucked up and weird.
love,
-kevin

3) I went to Denver to present at a conference and see my mama this weekend. While the conference and its receptions complete with free drinks were sweet, I got to go to Denver's May 1st immigrants' rights march. I always forget how much going to marches makes me want to be a better person. They make me want to be a better person so much it hurts. I took some photos, and these are my favorites. I'll probably put the rest up some other time.

soaking up all the normaltown afore i'm about not be here anymore,
-kevmal

Popopopo...

2010-04-26T07:58:00.000-07:00

...popopopo-ker face.

There's a lot going on right now, not much to write about. I feel a little bit like someone put me in a small capsule capable of traveling great speeds (think smartcar if you attached like 6 million bottle rockets or one enormous bottle rocket to the back of it) pressed the go button and told me i wouldn't have to do anything until i got where i was going. So i sat in the tiny little space, waiting and watching where i went. And things happened and i guess i did something to make them happen but i just watched them happen and sometimes i thought about doing different things but i didn't do anything different and my brain feels very strange in that way that is associated with going so fast that time skews a little bit (think post-plane ride) and so now i just feel tired and maybe kind of helpless and a little confused about how i got to where i am.

Yeah. So that was mostly just so i could post this next thing without feeling like it was my only reason for getting on the brog. Because i know who reads this thing, i know that i already watched it with half of you. This is mostly for my sister, though, so it's all good.

Here you are, d.

Man i like that guy.

rg. slpy.

-kevjectile

A quick word on...

2010-04-15T09:11:00.000-07:00

...Frank's Red Hot Wing Sauce

Made some fried chicken last night. It was...pretty good. Nice texture, served at the right temperature, breading stayed on. Unfortunately, it came up wayyyy short on flavor. Chalk it up to inadequate marination and not enough seasoning. Checked the fridge, no ketchup, no quality barbecue sauce, no dry seasoning that could do it. Clearly I'm DOOMED, right?

Not to be, friends.

Turns out we had some Frank's Red Hot that was left by my old awesome roommate whose husband loves chicken wings. We put that shit on the fried chicken and BAM! TASTE. SENSATION. Today, I mixed it accidentally with some bizarre salad dressing i made this week out of beer and mayonnaise. TASTE. SENSATION. These events alone probably wouldn't normally be enough reason for me to devote an entire twenty minutes to writing a blog post lauding a chicken wing sauce.

The fact that they play this ad on my favorite hip-hop station definitely is.

It's definitely better on the radio. Still, you get the idea of why i might have grown to love this hot sauce product so quickly.

I put that shit on everything.

-kev's red hot

It's a week for...

2010-04-08T14:53:00.000-07:00

...masters.

I guess i'm officially one. A 'master' of international affairs. Whatever the fuck that means. Technically, it means i defended a thesis last thursday and i'll get a degree conferred upon me in May that indicates that i'm qualified to...well, to do something. Not sure what yet.

I also took my dad to see the Masters Golf Tournament. It's not something i would do for myself. But he likes golf. Look how much he likes golf!:

We saw tiger woods.

My dad tried to give him a fist bump. Tiger was having none of it.

Here i am with Vijay Singh. I think Vijay Singh is a good golfer.

Really, as pro golf tournaments go, this one was pretty awesome (admittedly, I've never seen any other pro golf tournaments). I saw a bunch of good golfers up close, i got to hang out with my dad, the weather was nice, the beer was cheap. There was one thing missing, though.

Shingo Katayama. He may have overtaken some other guys as my favorite pro golfer ever.

You'll notice that this is the one foto pulled from the internet.

This is because even though we made a frantic effort to find one very awesome Japanese guy in one very tiny cowboy hat, our mission was not accomplished.

His cowboy hat is so tiny!

-kevgusta

p.s. I'm moving to new york city.

I'm...

2010-04-01T06:29:00.001-07:00

...pregnant.

April Fools.

-kevster

Seriously...

2010-03-30T06:49:00.000-07:00

...y'all still say shit like this? As supposed heads of state? I know your country is in a bunch of turmoil...but what the hell is wrong with you?

From the World this Week section of the March 27th edition of the Economist:

"Sudan's president, Omar al Bashir (almost accidentally wrote 'batshit'), refused to postpone elections set for April 11th, despite fears that the country is not ready and that the poll could be chaotic. After the Carter Centre, an independent American monitoring group, suggested a "minor delay in polling for operational reasons", Mr Bashir said "we will cut off their fingers and crush them under our shoes."

Whose fingers? The people messing up the election? The Carter Center's staff? The fingers of Jimmy himself?

Perhaps the quote was taken out of context. Maybe he just said that about something else. Like, uh...yeah I really can't think of a harmless way to say that about anything ever.

very very strange.

-kev-dan

Monsieur, your...

2010-03-24T13:17:00.000-07:00

masseuse.

Got my first massage today thanks to a valentimes gift certificate. I had a bunch of thoughts about it, which probably made me more tense.

1: My feet. I cleaned them, but they were still really close to the lady's face. That made me wicked nervous.

2: They play this sort of elevator-esque flute/harp/warbley violin cd while they rub you. I thought just the birds out the window would have been quite enough. On the other hand, the music did drown out the lady's incessant sniffling. And also...I think she burped a couple of times.

3: Experimental theater thing where you make your whole body go limp came in real handy. It's also really weird that professional massage-ers really have to toe the line between acting like they're dealing with an inanimate lump and acting like they're touching a real human more than any other professional I've ever dealt with. I feel like the lady today acted much too much in the way of the former. Shit was pretty uncomfortable.

4: At the end of the thing, I felt less tense than i did when it started, but then in trying to feel whether i was tense or not, i tensed up again. I give the overall effect of the thing like a 6.5 out of 10. When i was leaving the lady said she thinks i need to come back for an hour, i was one of the tightest individuals she'd ever massaged. That makes sense i guess. Maybe i simply did not have enough credits at my disposal to beat the last boss i.e. the way my hamstrings, hips, lower back, upper back, and neck are all fucked up in these ways that are complex and interrelated.

I think sitting at a computer is also causing problems.

-kevassage

Some days...

2010-03-19T14:38:00.001-07:00

...the intense sunshine and the overwhelming desire to be outside and ride your bike and pet your dog and work with your hands and be in love right at this very second and bare your arms and legs or your whole torso if you like and drink beer and laugh and laugh and laugh makes you feel like what you're doing isn't probably the right thing and...

what're you tongs like?

-kevinned in

Lurking, waiting...

2010-03-12T07:42:00.001-08:00

...to bite your foot off.

The other day I was thinking about animal sneak attacks. While I was thinking about it, I remembered that the wobbegong shark is my favorite kind of shark.

Look at that thing! It's awesome! It belongs to the subfamily called 'carpet sharks'...really! Carpet sharks! Say it out loud!

And the best thing about this shark is that it's a clever shark. It just sits there on the ocean floor...biding its time...pretending to be dirt...THEN IT GETS YOU!

I mean, it kinda gets you. It probably just gets your foot, because it's not a very big shark...but still...*CHOMP*.

The wobbegong shark is so badass that sometimes it messes people up so bad they think that they were attacked by Jaws or something.

Here is a video from youtube demonstrating why the wobbegong shark is the coolest shark*.

Carpet shark!
-kevegong

*I couldn't actually find any video of a wobbegong shark eating other fish in the wild, but trust me, i remember it from 3rd grade and it is awesome.

I now have...

2010-03-10T07:06:00.001-08:00

...a camera! And I use it!

Poorly!

I've been/will be going lots of places in the last/next few months. I've never been really good at providing visual proof that I went somewhere. I'm going to try a little harder now. I've started a photobucket or flickr or whatever (i really don't remember which one it is now, honestly) from when i went to England. I'll put up the web address sooner or later.

Don't have a lot of time just at this moment, went to San Francisco, here are three (un)mentionables.

1: My own personal philosophy on moovin' and groovin', succinctly presented on a Chinatown billboard:

2: Run for your lives!

3: While we were driving through San Francisco, Cameron, my traveling buddy for the day exclaimed, "Holy Shit! Jack Nicholson!"

Not exactly, Cam.

W00000! Spring break Oh Ten! Take off your shiiiirt!

-kevin gate bridge

The shit...

2010-03-03T10:44:00.000-08:00

...you say in your sleep. It's ridiculous sometimes.

Last night, totally unconscious, I muttered to Emily:

"Your love is worth 211 dollars"

"That's all?" she asked.

"...for 75 ounces," I replied.

That's $2.81 an ounce!

There's another blog that's totally devoted to this lady's husband's hilarious sleep talking.

Funny stuff.

-kevpor

I won't....

2010-02-28T09:39:00.000-08:00

...be compelled to buy stain remover or dishwashing liquid or a new car or a television so i can watch tbs' new lineup or a coca cola or 8 coca colas or a movie theater for a night so i can host a corporate meeting there or tickets to the olympics or more popcorn than i already bought because you advertise these things before the movie that i already payed $19.50 to watch.

(Breath)

1/ Let me start over. I don't watch very many movies in theaters. I prefer to rent movies that came out 5 years ago and have been thoroughly recommended to me and cost a dollar because a) they cost a dollar and b) i can pick which previews to watch and if i don't like them my remote control gives me the real ultimate power to skip through all the bull. If i'm ever at the movies it's because Emily likes them and so i go because i like her.

2/ I don't watch too many moving ads. I don't have the cable on the teevee. And when the ads attack my computer screen i can just switch to another window or check out what's going on in the living breathing world or whatever.

So there's your preface.

I think you can put 2 and 2 and diatribe together. I don't know when it happened but sometime between when i stopped watching big-picture movies (10th grade?) and when i started up again cuz of a relationship, they switched from still picture ads and cool little trivia stuff to the asinine practice of cramming loud commercials for 'the shit that no one needs, which drives our economy higher and our collective existence lower' into every minute prior to the beginning of the advertisements for other movies. (I can actually vaguely remember the initial phase of all this for some reason...It was a very strange bunch of advertisements, with a gender-split set of perfumes that came out of spritz bottles. Everyone remembers seeing commercials for "Bod Man" fragrances at movie theaters, "Hot Bod! Lean Bod! I WANT your bod.... I think everyone remembers this because it was fucking bizarre. What no one remembers is the commercials that came either immediately before or after Bod Man with animated fairies and a female chorus singing something about fantasies but it was obviously just the same bottle with a different name printed on it. They were equally bizarre but nobody remembers them. But so yea, i think that was the start of the pre-movie product adverts and it also might have been the direct antecedent of Axe Body Spray. A low point for humanity indeed).

So, now, you have the pre-ads, the ads, and then your movie. In the foreseeable future, it's reasonable to assume that 'previews' for network television and 'film entries' by amateurs intended to creatively express their love of a particular soft drink or t-shirt or ribbed condom or whatever will be preceded by even MORE ads that are just commercials like you'd see on television. It's totally possible that i'll bitch about how much i hate the pre-pre-pre ads on the internet in a few years.

It ain't right, i tell you. Just ain't right,

Kevsumer

P.S. Shutter Island is a quality piece of movie-work. I licked it.

P.S.S. They should really think about serving popcorn shrimp at movie theater concession stands. That would be the jam.

Dear....

2010-02-22T10:54:00.000-08:00

...Everyone,

I have something to say.

Tights. Are. Not. Pants.

Apparently, there is an entire website devoted to saying as much (linked above). There's also a blog. http://unfashionableindecency.wordpress.com/page/3/

I don't care. I need to write it myself. Because Athens, Georgia is so full of people whose butts and other crevices have overwhelmed my eyes by that i can no longer remain silent.

Tights are not pants!

Tights are designed to keep your legs warm if you want to wear a skirt on a chilly day. Tights should be worn under jeans on an even colder day. Tights are a totally functional and acceptable piece of clothing. But they are not pants.

To those with nice butts: Even beautiful things become less so when their most intimate details are highlighted. I wish i could say that i appreciate your generosity in providing these details.

To those with less-than-nice butts: I am now painfully aware of your gluteal curse. Painfully, painfully aware.

By extension, your oversized sweatshirt isn't a shirt. Your large men's button down isn't a shirt. Your trashy skirt isn't a less trashy skirt if I can still see your butt, only it's a different color.

Tights as pants person, i can't even respect you like i respect the dreadlock rattail guy. (I love that guy). You gotta respect yourself.

And everyone who doesn't want to see your butt.

Which is most of us.

Tights aren't pants,
-kevin police

Teh....

2010-02-16T08:46:00.000-08:00

...swamped.

I'm really-super-not-even-joking-migraine's-coming-on-type busy right now.

But: i committed to writing a letter to the internet at least once or twice a week. I'm afraid if i don't write now, i won't write later (interesting to use a colon there rather than a comma. Legit?)

So...uh...here's this Fergie video.

If any of you got my 15 songs, this was one of them. I like this song very, very much. The video takes it to a whole new level. It very well may be in my top multiple of ten which is smaller than 50 of all time.

I don't like the Black Eyed Peas. I don't like Fergie very much at all. I love this song. There's a grip of incoherent reasoning behind all that, which I won't go into here. Ask me about it sometime.

So in love witchoo,
-my lovely lady kevs

Apparently...

2010-02-10T10:15:00.000-08:00

...Del tha Funky Homosapien

is Ice Cube's...

cousin.

Crazy! I had no idea!

(I am SO happy i decided to google image search cousin)

A warm blanket wrapped around your heart,

-all in the kevmily

i been...

2010-02-08T05:52:00.000-08:00

...in a kinda blue-ish hue.

That's prolly why i been writing a lot about music and my life's little oddities and not much stuff i think about real stuff.

I think i've also avoided heavier topics cause my brain's been pretty gummed up recently. Nothing's coming out particularly clear. My sister says that this thing i wrote about the mountain goats reads like a confused high school girl's account of her new BF's erratic behavior. That's fair. If anyone were actually reading my space letters, it's prolly pretty clear that i'm preoccupied about some stuff.

Stuff.

But whatever!

If you've been feeling kinda this way too...this song's for you! It is my Mildly Depressed Person Late Winter Jam!

It's pretty much perfect for when you feel like you might lack some things, but things are going right, but you can't quite appreciate them cause of the things you're worried you might be lacking.

The song is called "I ain't got no...I got Life." It's by Le Volume Courbe. i don't know anything about the person/people who made this song except that they made it.

You can listen to it here.

I heard it because of a music blog called a Motel de Moka that i'll peruse now and then. I dislike 80% of the music they put up there. I really really really like 15% of it. I have a feeling it wasn't created for folks like me, but i'm glad it's there nonetheless.

I hope you like that song.

-kevbruary

A quick word on...

2010-02-02T09:54:00.001-08:00

...messenger bags.

I have worn one as my primary mode of carrying things for schools since I started as an undergraduate at the University of Minnesota. I think it is time for me to stop.

Here is the short version of why this is so:

(Photo credit to Emily for managing to avoid both my face and my nipples)

As much as I like have one extremely pronounced trapezius muscle, the ensuing back problems as a result of this imbalance aren't quite worth it.

I started wearing this Jansport messenger bag that my mom bought me (thanks mom!) for a few reasons:

1/ Cuz all the cool kids were doing it.
2/ Kept my laptop safe.
3/ Pretty much the only reason was #1.

When I learned to ride a bike again, I also discovered that the bag fit very well on the small of my back (and again, adding the bike reinforced #1).

Problems started when I started having to carry a lot of heavy books AND a laptop in the bag. I could see little tears in the bottom of the bag. My left shoulder would be sore for days on end. I started noticing hump on my left shoulder when I would shrug. All of this culminated in the sturdy little plastic piece of my bag responsible for regulating strap length snapping loudly as a dropped the bag in place as I'd done hundreds of times one spring day in 2008.

The Jansport bag was dead after 4 solid years of service. I honored it by refusing to buy a new bag until last March. Using a bag with a bad strap is a stupid, stupid idea.

So, I bought a new bag. It was this Chrome bag, which I believed would better distribute the weight of the shit I put in my bag.

Among my other rationalizations for getting this bag were, of course, reason #1.

I had coveted the bags when I worked with a bunch of hipsters at a cafe. And when I was crushin on bike girls at about the same time. And when I frequented nasty basement house parties. I always dismissed impulses to buy one because I "didn't want to be one of those jerks." Here in Georgia, however, we are so far from Seattle that I deemed it safe to be one of those jerks because would know a Chrome bag from a Timbuk2 (or whatever your flavor pretentious commuter carryall). So...I ponied up and had one shipped from Portland via Craigslist.

I was definitely wrong in my assumption. People still wear those bags here. And those people still suck. I try to avoid thinking about whether I am one of those people (read: probably).

I should have mentioned earlier that I've actually measured how much weight I put on one shoulder on a daily basis using the scale at the gym. With just some shorts on, I weigh ~173 lbs. With my bag, my weight is usually between 205 and 215 lbs.

Knowing this, I've concluded that no strap width can ease the back pain and weird muscle growth that continues with my current bag. It's time to go back to elementary school. It's time to blend in with the chemistry nerds. It's time to really deserve those scoffs of the fixed-gear kids.

It's time to get...a...backpack.

I'ma get this one!

And that's the story of how I carry stuff for school.

Jesus Christ, the longest post I've written in a long time is about bags.

Disgusted with myself,

-kevpack

Audience...

2010-01-27T09:28:00.000-08:00

...and intent.

For most of the time of the time that I have been writing on this thing, I've made it my goal to kind of fluctuate between personal updates about what's going on with me and thoughts about cool stuff and problems as they occur to me. I hope you've had fun with it so far.

On a recommendation from Emily, i went ahead and wrote the tracking code for google analytics into my blog and immediately started spying on the people who are spying on me. I kind of imagine there's an google metanalytics, where interested people can see how often and how long neurotic folks (!!!) spend checking to see who's looking at their blog.

Aside from being an occasional ego boost/crusher, the analytics thing's got me thinking about why i write and who i write for. Is it for me? Is it for all 2-6 of you who intentionally come to this website to read about me and what i think and then wonder why you did it? Or is it for that 11 year old in Melbourne who mistakenly ended up at my blog, thinking that it was written by representatives of Kevtronics Inc, which offers "a variety of specialized computer & electronics services for both residential & commercial applications."

I have no idea, really. It's interesting to think about it though. Having an awareness of the fact that random people from all over the world stumble on my blog even for 00:00:00 units of time makes me a little hesitant to post pictures of myself kissing my dog.

I'm definitely chewing on this.

blah blah,
-kevincarnate

In a total blogging aboutface...

2010-01-22T09:29:00.000-08:00

...i bring you a jam.

Thanks to Zoe, for cluing me in to the "Best of Bootie 2009 V.2 Mix," specifically, a mashup of Miley Cyrus and the Notorious B.I.G titled "Party and Bullshit (In the USA)."

THIS,

my friends, should be played at your next party, regardless of who is coming or what the event is for.

I was never a big mashup guy (thought the Girltalk thing was a bit overplayed and all that), but i certainly think they have a place in music and can be great. This is definitely one of those instances of greatness. Not only do the guitar part and the beat sync to near perfection, Hathbanger doesn't include any unnecessary filler samples or coverup beats to compensate for rhythmic imperfections.

Best of all, the all important content of the songs makes them perfect for pairing. Miley's singing about how incredible a party she's never been to in her life is. Biggie's celebrating a party that he seems to live for.

Unfortunately, i've been singing the Miley Cyrus parts to myself nonstop, giving lots and lots of people the wrong idea.

Nodding my head like yeah. Moving my hips like YEAH,

-party in the kta

Even when desperation calls for compassion....

2010-01-19T10:58:00.000-08:00

...sinister things lurk.

Haiti's earthquake is incredibly disheartening when understood as the fragility that comes with a colonial history, constant political instability due to internal and external pressure, and almost total dependence on aid and trade from abroad. This idea gets reinforced over and over again when rhetoric like "saving Haiti" gets thrown around the media, even when it is intended to provoke donations from people around the world. In world affairs, the country is made to be a helpless infant adrift in the ocean, constantly falling prey to tempests it cannot stave off.

While Haiti's economic, political, and social problems and the language people use to describe them are issues in and of themselves, they tend to be readily apparent. The frightening thing, then, is considering what we don't see in the context of a relief effort. Learning that millions of dollars have been sent to Haiti via text message is easy.

Learning how staunch free trade advocates would like to use widespread devastation and human suffering to produce profit for the wealthy is a little more difficult. This release by the Heritage Foundation is an incredible illustration of what Naomi Klein has called "Disaster Capitalism," using natural and human disasters to push pro-corporate agendas in poor countries.

Deleted from the Heritage Foundation's original release:

"In addition to providing immediate humanitarian assistance, the U.S. response to the tragic earthquake in Haiti earthquake offers opportunities to re-shape Haiti’s long-dysfunctional government and economy as well as to improve the public image of the United States in the region."

Sinister things lurk.

humbled and hoping,
-kevlar

Everything changes...

2010-01-10T13:51:00.000-08:00

...when you love some(love some LOVE SOME)one.

It appears that my favorite musical act in the world has become fodder for the Indie Christian Youth Movement.

In the grand scheme of things, this is pretty much insignificant. And yet, in my current place of physical, emotional, and intellectual stasis, it has managed to make me kinda sad.

I am in no place to speak for a guy who i said "hi" to once and whose music i tend to get a little fanboy about, but this whole thing is really a no win for me.

Either,

A) the Mountain Goats did something really brave by naming all of their songs after parts of the Bible and then sincerely writing music about the conflict between having a pretty messed up go of it in life but finding deep faith in that depth without necessarily being "church-going indie-rock royalty" (as revelife would have it) who have unquestioningly submitted themselves to Jesus as an alternative to the secular madness they've explored in previous work, but they've been pegged that way because they mention stuff that Christian youth can dig.

or

B)They actually are "church-going indie-rock royalty" (as revelife would have it) who have unquestioningly submitted themselves to Jesus as an alternative to the secular madness they've explored in previous work.

It's rampant misrepresentation that shouldn't bother me but does on one hand, a message I'm conflicted about on the other. I should probably buy the record and stop worrying about what people have to say about it. It's a bizarre development regardless of whether or not I choose to do this.

Adrift,
-prosthelytevin

Can you...

2010-01-05T11:26:00.000-08:00

...paint with all the colors of the wind?

I am not a movie critic. i hate movie critics. Almost as much as i hate Michael Cera (but not quite as much as i hate Michael Cera). That was my superficial and unnecessary preface to this, uh, discussion of a movie i just saw. i think you can guess what comes next.

Avatar was a terrible movie. Everybody i know who was not a wonky wonk liberal arts nerd (see: everyone i was friends with in college) loved this movie. Visually pretty? Yes. Prettier than District 9? Not really. Rife with thematic elements from District 9? Yeah, pretty much.

400 million dollars was the budget for this film. We could treat half the cases of malaria in the world with that amount.

This, however, is not a relative cost of entertainment versus real problems thing. It is just astounding that a movie that bad could cost 400 million dollars.

Avatar was essentially a computer-rendered combination of: Fern Gully (Awesome movie, btw) and Pocahontas (hence the title of this thing. there is definitely a scene where he owns the earth and still all he'll own is earth until...), complete with the _exact same_ mech robot driven by crazed military commander versus guy coming to terms with his alien identity climax fight scene.

I love a lot of people who told me they liked it for the quiet messages it sent to the audience. I did not have the heart to tell them that the "ecological awareness" and "anti-war" themes were baseball bat subtle. I should note that most of Cameron's message was appreciable given the enormous number of people that will go see this film.

Anyway. Emily and I saw it for free. My first theater hopping experience definitely showed me that crime doesn't pay. On the other hand, the movie we actually paid for, Sherlock Holmes, was very, very good.

There, thorough reason to hate myself.

-kevatar(d?)

It's a new year...

2010-01-02T11:54:00.000-08:00

...bros.

And my rez is as follows:

Do more with less.

It isn't nearly as specific as last year, but none of those worked out all that well. I think that's kind of a cool thing about blogs, you can track yer human progress.

I hope you all ate some black eyed peas and greens and ham (or maybe not ham) for luck this year,

-kevty-ten

Clearly...

2009-12-30T14:22:00.000-08:00

...this is the most important and exciting thing that has ever happened in the world.

I don't know who has been keeping this a secret from me. But that person is a cruel person.

It

has

everything

i

have

ever

liked in my life.

Bjork - Triumph Of The Heart

Sungjae | MySpace Video

I want to be stuck in that video as a cameo forever and eternally. Like, if I had to just be a party guest or the cat's friend or something, and then when the movie was over we just started over again ad infinitum, I would be glad to do that.

I think break is a great time because I remember the things and the people that I like and who I am when I'm not fighting anything. Then when I come back to fight I'm a lot less tired. Expect big things from me.

-medulla kevlongata

Drinking coffee...

2009-12-28T09:27:00.000-08:00

...in a corner, with my laptop, and it's cold outside.

...must be the holiday season.

...in the great white north.

I've finished traveling for the end of december. It went like this.

15 hours, GA to KS. 10 hours, KS to TX. 2 hours, TX to NM.

Got presents.

4 hours, NM to TX.

Got presents.

1 hour, west TX to east TX. 2 hours, TX to MO. 2 hours, MO to KS.

Got presents (!slapchop!).

2 hours, MO to KS. 2 Hours, MO to MN.

Getting qt with some very nice people. Better than presents.

Man o' man does 23 feel older than I used to be. Friends are engaged. Friends are married. Friend is divorced.

I want each of you to be happy as you can be for as long as you can.

-exhaustevin

reading...

2009-12-18T10:23:00.000-08:00

...gud. A follow-up-esque thing about schools and why they are depressing sometimes.

Now, there's probably some good stuff going on somewhere. I haven't seen it, though. Therefore, it's difficult for me to describe it.

I was in schools and community after school spaces quite a bit in the last couple of weeks of the semester, wrapping up tutoring programs and collecting forms and all that business. While I was in those schools, I guess I just saw more things that made me frown than things that made me like, "woah, childrenz w/ growing brainz!"

While I was waiting for a kid to get picked up by his parents at the main elementary school I work at (the school refuses to provide transportation for my 24 tutoring kids so their parents, who usually work evenings, end up leaving work to get their kid) I picked up the school news letter and looked over it. The front page blew me away.

The introductory comments of the "Wildcatzette" read:

From the Principal's Desk....

I would like to stress the importance of reading in this month's edition of our newsletter. Reading is the most critical skill that we teach in school. Without reading, none of us would be successful! It's true! How else would your children be able to order off the menu at McDonald's or pick their favorite game to play at Chuck E. Cheese? How would our teachers know what course to take in the summer or how to select the latest best selling novel at Barnes and Noble? Listed below are a few tips for increasing reading at home with your child(ren). Please encourage reading everyday in your house. Your child should be reading at least twenty minutes every night at home.

1 Read aloud to your child every day.
2. Read different types of materials (newspapers, comic books, magazines)
3. Ask questions about what your child is reading.
4. Take your child to the public library.
5. Read for fun!

Sincerely,
Dr. XXX

I imagine something struck you as...vaguely wrong here. The principal has a DOCTORATE. They went to school for SEVERAL YEARS to hold this position. Yeesh.

On a me note, Manhapitan is much suckier when no one you know is in town except for your family. I guess I wasn't great at making friends in high school. Minneapolis will certainly be blast of fresh (cold) air.

-wildkevzette

Handsome...

2009-12-14T07:12:00.000-08:00

...men.

Meet my thesis committee!

And a giraffe!

(The giraffe is not on my thesis committee)

-kevmaster

i like sports....

2009-12-04T09:45:00.000-08:00

...and i don't care who knows.

But i usually don't write about it. The only thing related to sports that i write about is Ron Artest. I think this is probably because i love Ron Artest. He likes to fight, talk a lot of nonsense, and play defense. Ron Artest is his own man. You can read the first of many things i plan to write about Ron Artest in an earlier post.

Here are three things you may not have heard about Ron Artest.

1: He is not above throwing shoes to gain a competitive advantage (you have to watch to the end).

As a particular press conference involving George Bush Jr. has illustrated, throwing shoes can be awesome, whether your adversary is a bunch of imperialist assholes...or it's Trevor Ariza.

2: He used to drink Hennessy at halftime of NBA games.
. Like I said, Ron Artest is his own man. However, Ron Artest is not a role model.

3: Ron Artest loves animals. He is a spokesman for PETA's spay and neuter campaign.

Perhaps he is a role model, in his own special way.

You can have your sports icons, i don't want them. Me? I like my sports figures with some swagger. Ron Artest thinks that in his own way he's a more valuable player than Kobe Bryant. Ron Artest wants to fight Ben Wallace. Ron Artest's dog's name is John Henry.

For these and several other reasons, i think that Ron Artest might be my favorite professional basketball player.

Whew!

In me news, i am applying to law school. If anyone ever discovers this shit, i will not be accepted to any of them.

A role model in my own special way,
-kevronron

things...

2009-11-27T19:59:00.000-08:00

...i want for Capitalismas

Freedom Tray

Hand Gun

Dog Snuggie

Yacht

Slapchop*

A star named after me in the star registry

Going Rogue

Rogue Trader

Rogue

Infrared Rotisserie

Americans create, advertise, and buy some really, really stupid stuff.

My sister asked me for a "stoneware (corrected) muffin pan" and she was totally serious. I will keep mocking her on this blog until she decides to read it. I now know she actually reads it, which somehow escaped the spies at google analytics....blast!

Shopping shopping shopping (pick me up somfin)

-mas for kev

*I actually really want a slapchop. Please, someone get me a slapchop.

Internetz?....

2009-11-25T08:39:00.001-08:00

....On Airplanes?????

Ach! This plane is definitely crashing.

Also, please enjoy your mealz. I'm going to New Mexico without my sister because she has swine flu. I think it's because of all of the kissing parties hosted by her theater company.

As a result, the only think that makes being at my fathers house even remotely bearable is not going to be there. If it's even remotely possible, I'm bout to get all wasted.

Ugh, just realized the gravity of the situation.

Don't think about it Don't think about it Don't think about it Don't think about it Don't think about it Don't think about it Don't think about it Don't think about it Don't think about it Don't think about it Don't think about it.

Thought about it.

This boat is obviously sinking.

-kevin turkey

p.s. We got the dog yesterday. His name is officially Manny Pacquiao. And he has wormz.

p.s.s. Hilarious foto comparison.

listening to melt banana....

2009-11-23T08:05:00.000-08:00

...has at once brought me a step closer to a permanent place of hyperactive, ecstatic mania.

It has also delivered me to the door of a nervous breakdown.

I thought about ending there, but it seems dangerously close to twatting.

Uh, i've been meaning to start listening to melt banana for like 4 years. Never did. Finally bought some songs on the internet. And when it comes on itunes i force myself to listen all the way through. And it's good. Like, really good. But i find myself bouncing uncontrollably and getting funny looks. It's also become clear that listening to what is the sonic equivalent of a pixie stick is not conducive to clear, well thought-out writing.

RaWR!

-ekvin

here's....

2009-11-19T15:47:00.000-08:00

....a bunch of reasons why schools in the Americuh are the not good.

1/ Wall decorated with strange dogmatic instructions for learner outcomes like, "Student will demonstrate adequate control of first-person narrative in written work." Who the fuck is this for? 3rd graders? Teachers? I, for one, was TOTALLY INSPIRED by these things, which are all over the elementary school.

2/ Cafeterias smell like factories, just like when i was in school.

3/ 60-something year old, white, mean teachers are sucking the will to learn out of 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th graders who are not white everywhere i turn. It hurts to watch. Why don't these teachers get fired?

4/ Clear de facto segregation, even in the most "progressive" of southern college towns, Athens, GA.

5/ In the, "Where can I look to find facts?" poster outside of a 2nd grade classroom, "Google" ranks 4 spots above "Books".

This stuff just struck me on my last day of the semester for facilitating a tutoring program for 3rd and 4th graders. It might be my last day ever, depending on how things shake out.

There are also good things about schools. Children are awesome. Some teachers are awesome. But even visiting a school for an hour and a half a week for 6 weeks makes it clear that we're doing something wrong.

i have no control over 1st person narrative.

-kevucation

Am i still in the South?...

2009-11-16T13:00:00.000-08:00

...I am, without a doubt, in the South.

This is just a brief little description of where i went yesterday, so that i will not forget it.

Sometimes, i write this as letters to space. The nice thing about these letters is that the internet is infinite carbon copies.

I went to a town that is sort of a suburb of Atlanta (~20 minutes away), it is a strip mall paradise, Emily reminded me what a subdivision is. This was a town where i think most of the houses were situated within subdivisions.

I was in this town to get my car's windshield fixed. I have a friend whose brother installs them for a living. She has become a consistent person that we spend time with, along with her kinda boyfriend.

She is friendly, optimistic, and energetic, if a bit neurotic. She has a southern accent that seems to be fading with more time in graduate school. She is not an idealist and it is clear that she has some issues with race that are embedded in her mind, probably due to a certain kind of upbringing that was cemented when no one was willing to tell her not to be a racist.

The plan was to meet at her parents' house, have her brother install my windshield for $165 dollars, possibly have dinner, and then to go home. I guess I've been so insulated from this 'America' that I'd forgotten what it was like. Immediately upon shaking hands, I was transported to my fathers house. A man with a medium build and a goatee, drinking beer and taking down his above-ground pool for the winter. A woman cleaning her house for the week, Velveeta cheese on the stove, and a bible verse pulled up on a laptop. Football was playing on three televisions in three rooms with a radio broadcast game in the garage.

My friend's brother had an adorable new baby, and the baby's mother drifted aimlessly from place to place as we waited for my new windshield to set.

There was a cute small dog. It liked to chew on golf balls. If you hit the balls into the woods with a golf club, the dog would sprint in and retrieve them for you. The dog had dark fur with tan accents. As Em and I stood, watching the brother hit balls into the woods, two other children riding a four-wheeler, and listening to stories about my friend's childhood, the sister-in-law made a seemingly innocuous observation.

"Good thing that dog's black. I white dog wouldn't fetch them that way."

I laughed at the observation, not knowing what it meant, in an effort to be polite. I'd laughed at everything i heard to that point, even though most of the jokes were not funny. Then Em and i made eye contact, and i realized that i should not be laughing.

In fact, i was appalled. I returned to a moment minutes earlier when my friend told me that that the family had left their old neighborhood because it was too "dark". I was reminded about this later. I also returned to several things that just...were wrong I've heard my friend say. Her kinda boyfriend calls her out on this stuff, usually before I open my mouth.

Anyway, this was all disgusting. Em and I sat with our friend in the living room, and ate chili and velveeta and cheese and watched football. Then we drove home feeling kinda sick. Or I felt kinda sick anyway.

The short version brings me back the title of this post.

I am, without a doubt, still in the South.

love,
-kltee

ifyoufeellowtoday....

2009-11-12T12:19:00.000-08:00

...ihopethischangesthat.

hellyeah.

-unikevin

ode to...

2009-11-06T10:32:00.000-08:00

...the dreadlock rat tail guy.

Esteemed Rat Tail Guy,

There is something growing out of your head.

What could it be?

Did you rush your barber? Pay her for 95% of a haircut? Insinuate that his razor might be put to better use on his lady's moustache?

Is that valiant tress the last known member of the famed dreadlock resistance army?

Or is your skull simply pooping?

Your girlfriend is not attractive. That's ok. She never says anything about your smell and will even occasionally attend your Devilstick competitions.

You are a rogue agent, Rat Rail Guy, and that's fucking righteous. Grow that thing out ad infinitum. No person can take your head poop away from you. It is yours and yours alone.

Your hairdo gives honor to all of that lone dred's fallen brethren.

I salute you,
-rat terr

this is what happens...

2009-11-04T09:49:00.000-08:00

...when a chubby Jewish man who has henceforth written shallow, amusing, strange, and catchy ditties starts to write about what is in himself. What results is all of the best neuroses of Annie Hall and Portnoy's complaint whined over music that is serious, sad, and serene. But still strange.

Witness "Eskimo Snow", the newest release from Why?. I bought this record because I liked the self-titled Joey played for me in college. I've been listening to it a lot and the lyrics of the song below ("Into the Shadows of My Embrace") are something special, I think. I played it on the radio the other night but the person in charge of me made me turn it off after he sang "masturbatin".

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I conquered my own childhood silence and now the world is my lit confessional marquee,
but it'd take a busload of high school soccer girls to wash those hospitals off me

Oh, am I clean?
Nineteen.

They said sex will keep you young and make you older at the same time,
They said sex will have left you aged normally,
And so I guess it's sorta like smoking and walking at the same time
In that it will have left you aged normally

Oh, am I clean?
Lord, please, why me?

I wish I could feel close to somebody but I don't feel nothing.
Now they say I need to quit doing all this random ffff-(uckin)
Now I think my upstairs neighbor hears me masturbating,
And there's other one's peeping through the slits in my curtains
And I never got a name for my shady compulsion
'Cause i messed up and kissed my shrink in a jersey city hotel room..
And I know saying all this in public should make me feel funny,
But ya gotta yell something out you'd never tell nobody.

We found the dead fox, and a dozen matchbox cars, when we cut back the hedges on Cortelyou place,
How many got lost left so long they grew moss 'cause they recoiled into the shadows of my embrace?
We found the dead fox, and a dozen matchbox cars
When we cut back the hedges on Cortelyou Place,
How many got lost left so long they grew moss 'cause they recoiled into the shadows of my embrace?

Oh, am I clean?
Lord, please, why me?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dunno...I thought that these lyrics were pretty good and expressive of why (Why?) people sing disturbing and/or embarrassing things on physical artifacts (albums) for thousands of listeners forever and on. So I gave them to you in print.

You should listen to this album.

i'll never write a movie with a father character who speaks like an animatronic in an afterschool america,

-kevin?

Sometimes it's hard...

2009-10-29T08:56:00.000-07:00

...to say goodbye.

Apparently, Geocities, the free webhoster, is closing. (Thanks to lastplanetojakarta for the linked tip).

I am not particularly depressed about this, but It takes me back and makes me feel a little weird about how in my first computer class (possibly my first point of contact with my lord and savior, the internet) we had to make geocities pages. Mine failed terribly. I am not tech savvy.

So yeah, something foundational in my experience with a daily use tool is now kaput.

I think that the third comment on the linked article, brought to us by "lazycat202" best expresses my sentiments.

"Geocities was a good web service. At the end, every body have to die."

Actually, the second sentence is fucking deep.

Every body have to die.

-kevtoncity

hey! i can't find that darn radio...

2009-10-22T12:15:00.001-07:00

...(mouth noise) yo, turn it to that station.

This is just the briefest of announcements. Through a little bit of random personal effort, I've landed a 2 hour spot on my local college radio station, WUOG.

My shift is from 10 to Midnight, Eastern Standard Time, this Saturday, October 24th (holy shit it's already October 24th).

online listening happens here:

http://wuog.org/live/

this could be really cool. or it could suck.
-kevjay

i'm at the pizza hut...

2009-10-21T09:31:00.000-07:00

...i'm at the taco bell.

the title of this post really doesn't do justice to its real subject matter. soooo unfortunate when two notable events one kinda-sorta awesome, the other REALLY AWESOME occur pretty much simultaneously.

to finish off the first note (inspiration for title), it's a really catchy song about combination restaurants that you can download here. Thanks to overcompensating.com for that (i know it's cooler to find out about this shit on your own, but i didn't, nyah nyah nyah jerk.

THE REAL NEWZ!

Sister's getting murried! She's ENGAAAGED (thanks to Ranger) for that.

As far as I know, she and her beau ben is not getting married in a combination taco bell and pizza hut.

ANOTHER RAD NOTE: I get to be all the bridesmaids. By myself! I R Made of Honour!

Jungle Paradise!

iiiii'm every WOman, it's all in miiiiiiiiii,
-kevsmaid

basta! ya...

2009-10-16T08:14:00.000-07:00

...basta!

Lou Dobbs is most definitely a human manifestation of the way "news" is increasingly an entertainment-based industry designed to evoke negative emotions (a-la horror film) while purporting to be an accurate depiction of reality. Then people act on these fantasy horrors and we end up with general hate, hate speech, and (at very very worst) hate crimes.

Anyway, I won't write a treatise on all that here. There are plenty of media/movement people who dedicate much of their lives to this very cause and those people write about this much better than I could. Also, I expect that most of you already know that Lou Dobbs is a huge tool.

Nonetheless, I would like you to:

A) Watch this video:

B) Go this website:

www.bastadobbs.com

Sign the petition, get him off CNN. He'll probably move to Fox News soon. Still horrible, but at least Fox News has very little in the way of a veil of objectivity.

ya basta con el odio,
-kay

R-a-a-a-a-d...

2009-10-14T09:54:00.000-07:00

...yes it is!

The Manhattan Experimental Theater Workshop (mxtw), which was a staple of my teenage development. It made my summers worthwhile. It made me a thinker! It made me a man (or something). In the parking lot of the Manhattan Arts Center I made some of my long-term friends and wrecked my car.

And now, there is a website. It is:

http://www.mxtw.org/

At this website you can read about a program you should send your kids to. And see some portraits of yourstruly as a young man. in black pants. and ill-fitting t-shirts. and you can read all the weird shit i wrote and helped to direct kids to write.

ooh this trip down memory lane is giving me th' cheelz,

-kevexteedublyu

fuck...

2009-10-12T10:43:00.000-07:00

...columbus day.

why on earth would we celebrate the most visible of a group of dudes who committed genocide in the name of adventure and a bunch of rich europeans who really weren't particularly bad off? guy wasn't even a very competent asshole set on conquest, as those guys went.

fuck that.

let's celebrate Dikembe Mutombo instead. he's awesome.

-Dikembe Mutombo Mpolondo (kevin) Mukamba Jean-Jacques Wamutombo Day

i don't....

2009-10-07T09:39:00.000-07:00

...know why i read anymore.

Fortunately: I finally found something that was interesting in one of my academic text.

Unfortunately: It only served to upset me and further devalue the topic of study for this graduate course (national intelligence).

According to admiral stansfield turner, former director of central intelligence and intelligence historian, in 1961 the CIA dispatched an agent to execute Congolese Prime Minister Patrice Lumumba. This failed, though, as Lumumba had already been assassinated by political rivals. In turner's estimation, the CIA very likely cooperated in this as well.

I knew about and respected the historical legacy of Lumumba prior to reading this. Either I never knew about the U.S.' involvement in his assassination or I had forgotten about it. Regardless, I am incessantly reminded that the United States is party to projects that result in catastrophe for millions with devastating frequency.

I don't know how to react to this idea...it strikes me that publishing this on an open forum without question undermines any ambition to pursue leadership such that i might change what i despise. The incredible capacity of intelligence to gather information about people almost totally guarantees this (i suppose i owe this knowledge to my class).

i feel gross,
-kevin

kayperv! I coulda sworn you...

2009-10-05T13:26:00.001-07:00

...wuz a nerd!

i is a nerd.

Linearity! Constant Variance! Normality! Independence! Fixed X!

-kevin of least squares

ps. Emily!

If you live in a town...

2009-09-25T08:19:00.000-07:00

...where A Hawk and a Hacksaw is going to play in upcoming days, months, or years.

Go see them.

Do not make excuses not to go see them. Do not say you will see them the next time they are in your town. Go see them.

(But make sure to show up late because the people they are touring with are gawd-offal. I think they were called Damon and Naomi. Just bad.)

I won't link them, they are better live (but if you want to get an album or a song because you believe in me, their recorded stuff is good too).

Also, I won't try to write about what kind of music they play or why it is so very, very good because during some idle musings on the internet the other day I googled "Bitchfork Media" and got a whole slew of results that guided me away from wanting to do that any more at all ever.

I will say that it's a bunch of instruments atypical of those usually found at shows in rock clubs and the lead is an accordion and fingers fly and pretty things come out.

Sunday or Monday I am going to see Sunn O))) play in a church. I expect rad things.

Music makes you lose control.

-a kevin and a kevin

It's only kind of about healthcare....

2009-09-21T13:22:00.000-07:00

...kind of.

I stumbled across an article from The New Republic the other day. It took me a long time to read it because I have become a very busy person. It's a very, very good article.

BLARGH.

(ARSB) Ayn Rand Sucks Butt. And she was weird looking.

Capitalism!
-kevitalism.

i am...

2009-09-14T14:46:00.000-07:00

...reading news when i should be learning statistics.

i am also thinking about what i will say tomorrow when i am asked about the male workforce in developed countries in a class that i am taking on labor.

i think i'm going to say that it is fucked up that i have to talk about that stuff when most people who do "labor" don't live in the United States or Sweden or Japan or Germany. And talking about that stuff means I don't talk about stuff like this. (From a very interesting New York Times Article)

"Our interviews and perusal of the data available suggest that the poorest families in the world spend approximately 10 times as much (20 percent of their incomes on average) on a combination of alcohol, prostitution, candy, sugary drinks and lavish feasts as they do on educating their children (2 percent). If poor families spent only as much on educating their children as they do on beer and prostitutes, there would be a breakthrough in the prospects of poor countries. Girls, since they are the ones kept home from school now, would be the biggest beneficiaries. Moreover, one way to reallocate family expenditures in this way is to put more money in the hands of women. A series of studies has found that when women hold assets or gain incomes, family money is more likely to be spent on nutrition, medicine and housing, and consequently children are healthier."

Data can be interesting. That doesn't change the fact that I wish I weren't in a 3 hour lecture about using power transformations to make regressions more interpretable.

*shud-d-d-er*

-log(kevin)

Way to go....

2009-09-09T09:44:00.000-07:00

...Canada.

This is a short, school-oriented letter.

From my readings:

“Few states take the view that they can dispense with an intelligence service and none is sufficiently immune from terrorism or the inquisitiveness of its neighbours to forgo a security service. It is true that a variety of patterns for organizing security and intelligence exists. Some states (for example, Bosnia and Herzegovina, the Netherlands, Spain and Turkey) have a single agency for security and intelligence (both internal and external). Others have distinct agencies for domestic and external intelligence and security, with either separate or overlapping territorial competences, as in the United Kingdome, Poland, Hungary and Germany. More rarely, a state may have a domestic security agency but no acknowledged or actual foreign intelligence agency: Canada is the exemplar of this approach”

I can't remember Canada being an especially attractive or susceptible target to foreign aggression. Way to be, Canada.

-O! Kevin!

Worth learning to embed video for....?

2009-09-03T10:28:00.001-07:00

Prolly not.

S'ok though.

This is a Ukranian cover of a pop-song. I like it better than the original cause I think these guys (Los Colorados) mean it more. Plus that guy is playing one of those bass drums with other drums on it in a way I've never seen outside of cartoons.

Enjoy,

-kevorado

kevin has....

2009-08-31T13:38:00.001-07:00

...some awfully strange friends.

Witness Colin. We met when he played Ultimate for one year at the University of Minnesota (he subsequently transferred back to Michigan, which he seems to like a lot). He has had several hundred frisbees printed with his face and signature on them. I also own a t-shirt, a pint glass, and a coaster (it goes with the pint glass) bearing the same
portrait. (I was gonna put a jpg of it up here, but apparently he has yet to brand the internet.)

Colin graduated from Michigan and is now a full-grown lawyer. He'll start making money soon. I think he may be the evil kind of lawyer, but that's ok. (Note: he may not be the evil kind of lawyer, I just like to pretend that I'm sure he is...makes for more interesting reading).

Colin is a special sort of egomaniac. I mean he's really quite lovable. If you've never met a lovable egomaniac, you're missing out.

As one of the perks of his job doing evil, they apparently give him a butt-ton of paid vacay (in advance even!). Most people would use this time to either a/ cleanse their conscience by giving whales mouth-to-mouth or something or b/ drink away their guilt. Not Colin. Colin has chosen instead to do a national tour of Cedar Point affiliated theme parks, winning stuffed animals and eating ice cream.

Proof:

You can read about it:

here.

I fuckn' love Colin. I fuckn' love you guys, too.

Fuckn' right,
-kevomaniac

I come back to Amerika and get on computer...

2009-08-20T10:15:00.001-07:00

...for this!?

Right, I know. It's dumb. I'm back in the OOh-Sah and wanted to write and there's a bunch of stuff I meant to write about but I forgot all of it so I'm just gonna copy and paste from Wikipedia.

For those of you who read as many online comics as I do and then click the links that they provide about whatever it is they wrote about, you've already seen and read this. For those of you who don't, it's amusing. In Zambia, there have been reports of teenage kids gathering raw sewage, fermenting it, and huffing it to get high. The drug is reportedly called "Jenkem". That's not the funny thing.

The funny thing is that Fox News and other media agencies propogated this rumor that kids in the United States were using it. This was, as far as most people can tell, false. One kid claimed to know how to make/use it, but he was lying. This is what he had to say for himself:

The boy, "Pickwick," in September claimed that the "Jenkem" displayed in the photos accompanying his trip report "was faked using flour, water, beer and Nutella." He also stated "I never inhaled any poop gas and got high off it [...] I have deleted the pictures, hopefully no weirdo saved them to his computer. I just don't want people to ever recognize me as the kid who huffed poop gas."

Ha.

I'll post some pictures soon.

-kevthane gas

:......

2009-07-15T12:55:00.000-07:00

...(

lost,

kevlorn

i'm on a super-secret, super-awesome....

2009-06-28T14:04:00.000-07:00

...sort of reconnaissance mission.

I left Georgia 9 days ago. I came back to Minnesota. Here are things that may or may not have happened.

-I turned 23 whole years old. I am so old i think i'll die soon.

-I went to a cabin. Did two things for the first time. Thing 1. Fished off a boat. Thing 2. Went "tubing." Stupid water. (i like fishing)

- Found out most of my friends are leaving the country for extended periods of time. My spy network develops a little every day.

-Wrote a play with my friend Blaaaaaaaaaaake. It's about buuuuuuuuuckets. You can see what it's a part of heeeeeeeeeeere.

-Made plans to start a "joint blog." World, prepare yourself to be KevinZoe'd

-Drank too much. Too much. I am past pained kidneys. I've drank so much in the last 4ish days that my fucking feet hurt.

In the next few days, these things will happen.

-A sort of ongoing one is that I'm learning where all my friends are. And taking their pictures. On film. I think fotos are neat. So you'll see some soon.

-I will go to Seattle to do pretty much the funnest thing ever.

-I will go to (breath) AtlantaNewYorkTorontoHeathrowOxford for a month. It's gonna hurt me. Hooray for tests of personal vitality.

-That one just before this one means it's time for a new...Travel Blog. That's here. There's nothing there yet, because i'm not there, silly!

Whew! Busy week.

luvs and luvs,
-mykevinfliesovertheocean, mykevinfliesoversthesea, (somethingsomethingsomethingsomething), andbringbackmykevintome

leo...

2009-06-16T10:42:00.000-07:00

...nardo. (I'll admit, the intros and the sign-offs get harder and harder).

I watched a movie last night. I'm not a "movie person" per se. Because I'm not a "movie person" I usually don't watch a lot of "movies." I'm also less inclined to be moved to tears by a movie than I am by a book or music. I also don't usually consider myself at all qualified to rate them as "excellent" or "terrible." Instead, I usually just leave it to a bit of muttered complaint and I move on to whatever else it is I wanted to do.

But anyway.

I watched Revolutionary Road last night and I absolutely hated it. hated, Hated, HATED it. Not because of any particular cinematic quality, the acting was a B-B+, the directing was fine, the plot was uninterestingly interesting. No, I asked to turn it off at several junctures because I simply couldn't stand to watch what was happening in the film. It wasn't because I was sad for the characters, they weren't really worth it in my estimation. I didn't want to watch anymore because the movie made me afraid of things that might happen to me.

The movie details the activities of people who are too afraid to do interesting things with their lives for all of the normal reasons. And it is not a movie of triumph. It is a movie of personal thrills that all build to failure. Thrills that most people pursue when they are afraid to pursue what they've always imagined was the right thing. This movie evoked terror in me that I don't imagine that Drag Me to Hell (which, coincidentally, I also want to see) ever could.

The unshakable dread that I was stricken with after it ended brought me to this realization: it was a really, really good movie. I think that any piece of art that is able to weasel its way into the depths of your brain, scratch around, and emerge with things that you didn't know you loved or found amusing, or knew you were scared of but had never had to stare in the face for two straight hours, is a success. And I'm sure that some other people who've watched this feel the same. I think that the individual components of this post do not warrant internet blather. What I found worth sitting down and writing is that I can't remember an instance where I could not deny the blazing quality of something that I could not stand.

long live the kevolution.

Adventures are tricky fish...

2009-06-11T17:43:00.000-07:00

...I went on an adventure-to see Bonnie Prince Billy at the Belcourt Theater in Nashville Wednesday night!

5 hour drive. 2 hour show. 7 hours at the redroof inn. 6 hour drive back.

that's living.

Adventure 1: Drop the dog off with a man who scares him.

Adventure 2: Eat a KFC fried chicken breast plate (sides of coleslaw and gravytatoes, please) while driving 65 miles per hour in the mountains.

Adventure 3: Lost in Nashville, where the fuck is the Belcourt?

Adventure 4: Made weird eye contact with the fiddle player who had recently had a baby because I was IN A SECOND ROW SEAT OMG OMG! Sparks flew.

Adventure 5: "Hard Life" encore. You are a sexy weirdo, Mr Billy.

Adventure 6: The Redroof room was most assuredly room for smokers.

Adventure 7: Weird neck ailment, can't turn my head to the left. (It persists).

Adventure 8: Torrential rain all the way home.

Adventure 9: Snuggles in the backseat to wait out the rain. I don't think I'll forget that.

Adventure 10: Hanging out in my friend's expensive suburban crib while he's away at a movie. Small dogs can occasionally be teh cayoot.

Little adventures, big smiles.
-kevin "prince" terry

A devotional...

2009-06-01T13:07:00.000-07:00

...of sorts.

the other day i was hungover. something compelled me to drive to the mountains in north georgia with a book, a gallon of water, and a cup of coffee.

i climbed to the top of a small mountain (borderline hill). i read a page that had been folded for me. i took off most of my clothes and lay down in the dirt with the ants and i thought about what i had read. it was as close to a religious experience as i have had in a very long time. this is what the passage marked on the page i mentioned said:

This is what you shall do: Love the earth and sun and the animals, despise riches, give alms to everyone that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown or to any man or number of men, go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the yough and with the mothers of families, read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life, re examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips and face and between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body"
-walt whitman

that was a very nice thing that i did.

-kevelation

ps. thanks, d.

I don't want...

2009-05-30T14:20:00.001-07:00

...Michael Cera to be the star of the new Scott Pilgrim movie.

I fuckin hate Michael Cera.

...hate him.

-kevpilgrim

Apparently, summer is...

2009-05-16T13:52:00.000-07:00

...warm, wet, and slow, here in athens.

it's also full of greenery. i am currently in possession of more leafy greens than i could ever eat in the time before they spoil that were given to me for being a farmer's market volunteer. it's really unnerving. i wish all of you that still read this (maybe down to 2? 1? c'mon internet strangers, start reading!) were here. i'd make an enormous salad that we'd all share. i'd coat it in my homemade balsamic vinaigrette. a quarter of you would gag. it would be in a field. full of picnic tables. Jeb Bolan would play his guitar. we might play croquet. man. that is a happy thought.

i am very glad i thought to write in my blog about the amount of arugula that is in my refrigerator. somehow, it transported me to an amazing picnicland!

hurray for the bright confines of your brain.

-kevmagination.

ps. shop at farmers markets. they are fucking sweet.

From Houston Rockets Small Forward Ron Artest's Most Recent Post-game interview....

2009-05-15T06:58:00.000-07:00

...."Five-dollar foot-long is one of the best songs. That's a hot song. You've got the freecreditreport.com and then 'Five-dollar Foot-long' comes on. When 'Five-dollar Foot-long' comes on, they should play that in the club. They should play all those songs in the club"

I am increasingly fond of Ron Artest.

-kevdollarfootlong

Conspicuous Consumption...

2009-05-06T09:42:00.001-07:00

...makes me so fucking mad.

-kevsume til you puke.

The end...

2009-04-22T14:46:00.000-07:00

...of an era of sorts.

I went and saw Wilco for what is probably the very last time a couple of nights ago. They were good as they always are. The kept Sky Blue Sky songs to a minimum. I only felt like i was driving a Jetta for a very short time. I was as close as i've ever been to the band for the first 15 minutes of the show, that was neat. I went with another person to a Wilco concert for the first time ever, it was distracting. I left the show about 2/5ths of the way through because of personal problems. I still shuddered the whole way through when they played Pot Kettle Black. The fans at the show seemed like jerks. I still knew all the words to all the songs the played. It felt good, really good, and i am not sad that i left early even though they played 2 encores of 9 songs primarily from Being There. Wilco is probably one of my favorite bands. I can listen to their records from time to time and feel good, but i've seen them enough times to know that their live shows are increasing in price, deteriorating in quality, and the people at them don't feel like i do about the music. That's the most way concise way I can say it.

muchluv,

kev.m.

Today...

2009-04-16T09:12:00.000-07:00

...I will send 2 seemingly contradictory things.

I like them both very much and I think this of this as a kind of nice showing of 2 of the many sides of me.

Side 1:

Livin in a small town, you can see you enemies from miles and miles away.
They know when you're at the liquor store, and when you're at the library.
I know this woman Teri. Man, she's a real screw up.
But we like to keep her around cause it makes us feel good.
Like, "Man, I'm glad I'm not that messed up".
Living in a small town, you can see your enemies from miles and miles away.
I like to go walk around downtown on Sunday morning,
When the squares are all in church, and the hipsters are still asleep.
I feel like I can finally walk in peace.
I know this woman little blue, she's only about 5'7''
But when she's on her tip toes, she must be...a million feet tall!
All the way up to the Moon!

-Roughly quoted from John Wilkes' Booze 5 Pillars of Soul

Side 2:

Kitty Pride,

-kevinleeguebaseball

Sonrie...

2009-04-13T09:35:00.001-07:00

...Jesus te ama.

-the kevbunny

out of the 4 things i ought to be doing...

2009-04-01T07:52:00.001-07:00

...this is not one of them.

Fuck it. Welcome to my blog. Somehow this seems a productive activity, at least as it pertains to personal health. So I post. No one else really posts. The challenge is dead. I linger (ramble) on.

Today's bit of stuff comes via my penchant for googeling (goggling) mahself. Up to this point, beyond everything I already am, I am:

A much-hated professional soccer referee
A jujitsu master
At least three or four different computer programmers
A pretty good cross country runner.

I found out I am something else today. This happens to be my favorite thing.

I am the leader of my very own gospel choir. Behold:

Kevin Terry and the Predestined

(also on the youtubes)

What the fuck are you?

-kevordained

I am...

2009-03-24T13:27:00.000-07:00

...10 graphic novels.

Ok. In truth, I'm only like 1 page of a graphic novel. Here is my fambly as a graphic novel.

(IadoptedadogHisnameisRangerHe'sgot2differentcoloredeyesThatmeanshe candomagicI'llprobablypostanormalpictureofhimlater.

Thank you for your neat camera and built in effects, Lil' Animal 2.0. Macs are clearly for idiots with too much time on their hands.

-the kevmen

Spicy Food....

2009-03-20T09:22:00.001-07:00

...Makes Your Nose Drip.

This is not about that.

This is about the restaurants that are close to my house.

There are 4 notables.

1/ Subvay Sandviches
2/ Cali N' Titos (enjoy our Latin Thing) food stand.
3/ Casa de Wafle (Waffle Home)
4/ Kelly's Jerk Wings.

Generally, I think all 5-10 of you agree that big corporations are not that cool. Hence, we probably shouldn't eat their food. Clearly, my readership, not really all that politically diverse. That's ok, the people who aren't reading this are jerks. In that spirit, I do my darndest to eat at the two that you can't find anywhere else. Just one location in the whole wide world.

Stepping outside of an obvious conclusion, I also choose to eat at these two even though in some instances the others taste better. I've had conversations with Th' D about this before. It is and will continue to be my contention that if a person running a restaurant is awesome, people should eat there, even if their product (foodness) is average, or, to a reasonable extent, sub-par. I could talk at length about Calientitos, given that they let people who otherwise don't work up front in Georgia work up front. But I'll leave it at what I just wrote.

Kelly's, on the other hand, deserves an extended comment. I've never eaten much Jamaican food, so it's not something I wake up, go to bed, or spend the parts of my day between those two things (waking and dreaming) craving. And, honestly, even with a profound love for jalapenos cultivated over the last few years, everything on their menu makes my nose drip. Seriously. Chicken (drip), cabbage (drip), goat (drip drip), spicy squash (fw0000sh).

Still, the food's pretty good once the pain subsides. More important, Kelly (there actually is a Kelly, dope) has the most infectious smile of anybody I've ever met. Moreover, he makes a special point to know the name of everyone who goes there on a semi-regular basis (he asked mine today). MOREOVER, he and his wife are the only two people that work there. He's friendly and laughs and jokes, she's no-nonsense and looks tired all the time (finances?), but clearly loves her husband and how happy it makes him.

Short story, community is as important to me as delectable stufffoods. Short of multiple bouts of food poisoning, I will walk to these restaurants at least once every couple of weeks, if only because it's like visiting friends. By paying to hang out with them and use their napkins as tissues, I can keep them around.

drip drip drip *sniffle*,

-kev-may-can

Ps. I secretly eat at Waffle House once a month. ummMmm...Wafful.

Human...

2009-03-17T09:28:00.000-07:00

...Amusement.

Quick nod to a giggle-fit inducing part of this Washington Post article.

'The rhetoric grew so heated yesterday that Sen. Charles E. Grassley (R-Iowa) suggested in a radio interview that AIG executives ought to "follow the Japanese model . . . resign, or go commit suicide."

An aide later explained he does not actually want executives to kill themselves.'

Can't decide if it's funnier with or without that last part.

Sun's out!

-Kevpoku

Walk...

2009-03-11T11:03:00.000-07:00

…Juan Crow.

It’s finally arrived. The moment when my anticipated run-up against a far more bigoted place at a less bigoted time resulted in legislation I’ve only read about the potential for in small, isolated towns or upper-crust towns trying to prevent inevitable demographic change.

Two new laws passed through the some part or both of the Georgia Legislature last week. One, which forces individuals to present valid state-issued identification at their polling place when voting, and Senate Bill 67 which states that Georgia drivers tests will now be printed exclusively in English.

The first of the two laws is an attack on civic participation intended to reduce fraudulent voting by undocumented immigrants. This, however, is a thinly veiled effort to reduce voter participation overall. When more people vote, more progressive politicians and legislation tends to result. By making voting laws more stringent, less individuals will be prepared to participate in the political process, and therefore more will be driven away. People who are interested in civil rights and the like generally fight this kind of legislation because it represents a new block to civic participation among a bunch of others that already exists.

Possible instances include:
a/ Elderly people who have been voting for years without ID, now turned away.
b/ Newly naturalized immigrants, who yet to be issued identification can’t vote
c/ Forgetful people (me), and folks who want to vote, but consider themselves too busy to go home and get an ID probably won’t vote.

To me, this is all fucked up.

Emily talks about this business on the television here.

The second piece of legislation is similarly disturbing, but far more fascinating to me in its intended target. Arguments in the past have attempted to say that undocumented immigrants pose a threat to drives due to a lack of car insurance and other factors, but this is a blatant denial of basic necessities to non-English speaking citizens. Among the far-reaching number of possible implications of this law is more racial profiling, wherein an individual who does not appear to be an English speaker is pulled over on the grounds that they likely do not have a valid drivers license. Here, people who have every right to be in the United States are either denied the necessary means to earn a living or are criminalized for attempting to do so.

You can watch a short piece on this here.

It’s hard for me grasp all of this, because I’ve really only lived in places where there were substantial numbers of allies for New Americans and significant legal challenge to bigoted laws. When something like this came up in government, there was a fight. I’m sure there’s one starting here, but I’m waiting to hear about it. I want a fight. I hope it comes soon.

Georgia on my mind,

-kevnin’

couldn't run far...

2009-03-02T08:41:00.000-08:00

...enough to escape the wintry world of the upper midwest.

In georgia, we had a bona-fide blizzard yesterday. Powers out. Can't drive places. Can't do a dog-gone thing.

I'm writing this from my arch nemesis Earthfare, the overpriced yuppie food paradise.

(I get looooost, in a food paradi-iiise)

I'll send picture. This is fucking ridiculous.

-cold-kay

PS: Happy Birthday Bee Bee.

one...

2009-02-25T08:03:00.001-08:00

...oh one.

Ha. This is an article I can't even begin to understand. Maybe it's cuz I'm in my early-20's and the mid-20's dating market among young, wealthy professionals is a bizarre mystery to me. Nonetheless, this article made me giggle a bit.

The Dating Market Goes From Bullish to Sheepish (Washington Post)

back to grindin',

-kissin'kev'ns